Everytime
by blondenhot
Summary: Ok....its set after the season finale of season 2...Tommy's gone and Jude has no clue where he is. Yet she still loves him....Whats a girl to do? Cowritten with Angel422
1. Unexpected Call

Everytime By:blondenhot 

With a shake, Jude Harrison awoke from sleep. It was the same reoccuring nightmare...when Tommy left. His tires screeching as he drove faster getting away, leving her standing there tears pouring down her pale cheeks as she watched the first and only man she had every loved drive off into a world she didnt even know existed.  
"Oh, Jude. Why do you always have to think of him?" I muttered to myself, rolling over onto my side. He invaded my thoughts night and day with little memories, the first day I met him, our first song we made together, our first kiss. Little things that are so small, yet so important to me. The way his blue eyes sparkle when he laughs,  
the way he looks right before he kisses me.  
His kisses...they WILL be my downfall. His lips are so soft as the float over mine...his tongue is so gentle as it invadess my mouth exploring unknown crevaces...his hands first going through my hair and then anchoring on my hips. I would kill for one more of his kisses.  
Hell, I would kill for one more LOOK at him.  
As the tears started flowing more freely, I mentally kicked myself Here I am, I have no clue where he is, and yet I'm still in love with him. I love his flaws. I love his features. I love Tom Quincy. And I dont even know what to do about it.  
Since he left, life has come to kind of a pit stop.No good music has come to me. He took my inspiration with him when he left to go to where ever it was he was going.  
And to top it all off, everyone's on their toes around me now. Its great knowing that I'm not all alone...it really is...but its like they think if they even say one little thing to me I'm going to break in half.  
Yeah, I really dont want to hear anything else about Tom Quincy...but I'm fine to talk about anything else. I appreciate it but...its not really helping. I'm still the same Jude...and I'm still a really bad liar.  
The sad part about all of it is that somehow and for some wierd reason, I blame myself that he's gone. I must have done something to wrong him. I dont know if I'm just an awful kisser or I'm to intimidating or something. All I know is that because of some reason, he left me. Just Left me there like a forgotten sailboat drifting through the sea on a rainy day. Once again, I put my heart in his hands and let him do as he liked. And this time instead of just giving my heart a hard thud he took my heart looked at it for a few seconds and without another though towards me he completely shredded it in that big machine thing in Darius's office. And it's all my fault. And I still love his bony ass! What kind of person am I...

"There's me, lookin down at my shoes.  
The one smilin like the sun, thats you.  
What were you thinking?  
What was the song inside your head?"

...Could it really be?

I quickly reached over to my nightstand and picked up my cell phone. I slowly pressed the green flashing talk button.

"Hello?" I said in a whispering tone.

"Jude?"

"...Tommy?"

Ok...what did ya think? Any better? Review please please please! lUV!

Caroline


	2. Unexpected Answers

Everytime

Chapter Two

Tom's POV:

Seated inside of Portia's house in Montana, I was staring at an odd painting on the wall. It was of two vaces with a plain background. The colors really hit you though so it qualified as a pretty good painting.  
I"d been sitting in the same position for hours, thinking and observing, and ( to my embarressment) crying. It'd been three months since I'd left for Montana.  
Since I'd broken Jude's heart. Since I'd broken my own heart. But I had to go. She needs me. AMBER needs me. But Jude does too. The same battle has been goin on in my head for the past few months. The woman I love or my daughter? The only conclussion I've come up with is," Who has to choose these kind of things"  
Oh yeah. Me.  
At last, at 3:30 AM, I finally couldn't take it anymore. I picked up my cell phone and dialed the number of the womanthat no matter how hard and how long I tried I could never forget...Jude Harrison.  
On the fourth ring, I heard her pick up the phone and draw a deep breath as if preparing for a long conversation. When I couldnt take the awfully long silence for much longer, she whispered, "Hello"  
I inhaled sharply, thrown off key by the rush of feelings that hit me at the sound of her angelic voice. Once again, icy tears dripped down Tom's handsome face.  
"Jude"  
Now it was her turn to inhale a harsh breath. Two thousand miles apart I could see her fighting her emotions away with her guitar. I just waited for the beginning and for the verbal attack I knew was awaiting me. All she said though was in a tone hinged with a note of relief. " Tommy."

Jude's POV:

" Jude...I...How are you?" he finally spit out with some difficulty. He was nervous.  
I could tell.  
"Hmmm...let me think...I'm just peachy, Tom. And you?" I told him with a trace of sarcasmin my voice.  
"I'm not doing to good to be honest, Jude. I...think of you way to often." He admitted,  
his tears evident form his tone of voice and how shaky it was. I felt a little compassion for him. But more anger.  
"Oh yeah. Dont feel bad. Thats what usually happens to people who ALMOST have something to each other. Who ALMOST date each other. But we didnt even get that far. So dont worry.  
It's normal. But you can enlighten me on why you havent even bothered to call me in three months, Mr. Quincy." I growled, grinding my teeth to keep from screaming at him.  
" Jude, do you really want to know why I never called you? How it felt to drive away with you standing only feet behind me crying in the rain? It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, Jude. Can't you see that?" He said into the phone.  
" Not really but thats a different story. Back to why you didnt even like me enough to call me?" I told him tears finally starting to fall down from eyes.  
" Is that really what you think? That I dont like you?" He told me almost chuckling.  
" Yes, but I want to know why you didnt call me. I needed you, Tom. I still do." I told him choking back a sob.  
" I never called you before tonight, Jude, because I wasnt ready to admit any of it was real." 


	3. Everytime I Hear Your Name

Everytime By:blondenhot

Tom's POV:

"I...you...didnt want to admit WHAT wasnt happening?" she said her voice on the border line of hysterics. I could hear that I had thrown her off balance when I told her. And the worst is yet to come.  
"I couldn't bring myself to admit that," I paused, swallowed the huge lump that had gotten stuck in my throat. Damn adam's apple. I continued,"I couldnt find a way to tell you about Amber"  
"Who the hell is Amber, Quincy?" she growled. How could I have left her? I thought. Then an even more surprising thought came into my head. How could I not?  
"Whoa, Jude. Amber isnt like my girlfriend or wife or anything. Jude, I would never do that to you. Amber is...my daughter." I told her, finally blurting out the awful truth. I could just picture her there sitting on her bed, jaw dropped, eyes wide, and tears falling down her beautiful cheeks.  
"Your...daughter?" On the word daughter, Jude's angelic voice cracked giving me all the signs that she was fighting tears with everything she had.  
It killed me.  
"Yeah Jude. My daughter." I told her. I wasnt about to bring up an more answers unless she asked for them.  
"Well, Tom. If you're the father, then...who's the mother?" she asked.  
I knew Jude was didnt really want to know...but she had asked.  
"Portia. Amber will turn 3 in december." I told her, hoping what I had just said sunk into her. I said it softly though, knowing how bad it hurt her.  
"So...right before I won Instant Star?" she asked in a whimpering tone.  
"Right before you won Instant Star, girl." I replied, remembering the day she won and the first time I ever let eyes on her. Oh how it hurt to remember.  
"Oh my god Tom. A little girl. Well...why didnt you leave when you found out? Why did you have to leave when I finally thought you loved me back?" she told me bitingly. You could tell though by the way she blurted it out that the last part wasnt supposed to be said.  
"Jude, I-" I began, a huge smile spreading quickly over my face. I had been waiting to tell her this for months...then she interrupted me.  
"Ya know what Tommy? I've gotta go. Good luck with Amber. Bye." she said.  
The next thing I heard was a dial tone. I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at the screen. " Call Ended"  
" I love you too Jude. I always have." I said to a person who was already gone.

Jude's POV:

I sat down in front of my bed with my acoustic guitar. I pulled my notebook out and grabbed a pen. I suddenly had the inspiration I needed...crazy what a phone call can do for inspiration. Tears were finally dripping onto the pages of my spiral notebook, as I began to write.

"Finally got over that song of ours Stopped chasing little blue sports cars, to check the license plates And I quit driving by your place Back making the rounds at all the hearts, concerts, restaurants, seeing some of our old friends feels good to dance again I can finally smell your cologne And I look around the room for you I could walk right by your picture in a frame and not feel a thing But when I hear your name

(Chorus) I feel rain fallin' right out of the blue sky And it's the fifth of May and I'm right there staring in your eyes And nothing's changed, we're still the same And I get lost in the innocence of a first kiss And I'm hanging on to every word rolling off of your lips And that's all it takes, and I'm in that place Everytime I hear your name

Got someone special in my life Everyone thinks he'd make a great husband Mom says she thinks he's the one, reminds her of dad when he was young But it's way too soon to be talking about rings Don't want to rush into anything He's gettin over someone too, kinda like me and you He talks about her every once in awhile And I just nod my head and smile, cuz I know exactly what she's going through Yeah, I've been there too, when the conversation turns to you

(Chorus): I get caught in the "you were the only one for me" Kinda thought, and your face is all that I see I Know I can't go back, but I still go back And there we are, parked down by the riverside And I'm in your arms, about to make love for the first time And that's all it takes, and I'm in that place Everytime I hear your name

Stop thinkin' about the words I left unsaid (Everytime I hear your name) Stop trying to change the things that I can't change (Everytime I hear your name)

In my heart I know you're gone, but in my head... I feel rain falling right out of the blue sky And it's the 5th of May, and I'm right there staring in your eyes. That's all it takes, and I'm in that place And there we are, parked down by the riverside And I'm in your arms, about to make love for the first time. And I can't explain, but I'm in that place Everytime I hear your name Everytime I hear your name (Everytime I hear your name) (Everytime I hear your name) Everytime I hear your name..." 

The last tear fell down her cheek as she finished the song. She knew this would be a hit and she knew that it was her first single. She knew it was about Tommy. Now though,  
it was time to sleep. Tomorrow...tomorrow I'll deal with Tommy. But tonight...tonight I will sleep.

Hey ya'll! Ok this is chapter 3 and I think its the longest...so leave me a review! Thanks to Tanya50801 and angel422 for everything! the encourgment and the ideas! And thank you to everyone who is reading my story! You're all great: ) LUV! 


	4. I Probably Wouldn't Be This Way

I Probably Wouldn't Be This Way By: blondenhot

The next morning, Jude got up, took a shower, did her make up and headed straight to G-Major. Sadie was already there, seated at the receptionist desk.  
Kwest was sitting in Studio A waiting for me to start another day of work. Ugh.  
I opened the doorwith a small smile (but a smile none-the-less) on my face.  
Tommy was gone last night had proved it. Amber. His daughter. Portia. Bits and pieces of our conversation replayed over and over in my head. He's not comin back...he's gone. "Kwest...I have a song...and I also have a song I need to write down. Do u wanna start recording now or later?" I asked him with a chuckle. Kwest staring there at me, obviously amazed that I had wrote a song. Had it really been so long since I had written a good one?  
Uh duh Jude. Three months.  
"Uh, yeah. We can record now Jude. Whats it called?" he asked me. His eyes were still wide with shock.  
"It's called Everytime I Hear Your Name, Kwest. Tell me what you think, ok"  
I told him sitting down on the couch opposite of him.  
I strummed the chords and halfway through the song the tears came. My voice was rough, more raw and in my opinion it made the song oh so real. It displayed the emotions I was feeling. I knew everytime I sang this song I would cry. It was becoming close to my heart. I played the last verse, laid the guitar down, cradled my head in my hands and cried.  
"Oh, Jude." Kwest said, scooting closer to me. He slowly wrapped his arms around me, as if I might bite him. I'm not that vicous. Yet. I cried into his shoulder.  
"He called me, Kwest! He has a freakin daughter. A little girl. Amber. I don't even know where he is! He didnt say. Kwest...he's not coming back.He's my rock.  
And I...I love him so much!" I sobbed into his neck. I gripped his shirt as if I was scared that he might drift awy any second.  
"Jude, I, um, I knew about his daughter. We all did." He said. I shot away from like he was on fire. He had known!  
" Who is we?" I asked him. The fire was now burning in my eyes.  
"Sadie, Darius, Liam, and...me." I flew out of that studio, across the room, and into the office before I knew what I was doing. I pushed open the door and threw my self into the neatly decorted room.  
"You knew! YOu knew about Tommy's little girl the whole time. I bet you even know where he is! I bet you all do. I've been wandering around here with a broken heart blaming myself for his leaving for months and this whole time you knew why he really left. Hell, you knew where he had gone! How could you!" I told him slamming my fists down on his desk. I was furious and I felt so betrayed.  
"Jude get real. How would you have taken it if we told you everything we knew?  
You didn't have a clue about Amber and if we would have told you that he had gone to Montana-" Darius stopped when he looked at Kwest. Behind me, Kwest was making stupid stop motions with his hands and face.  
"Montana? He lives in Montana?" I asked them amazed. He wasn't even in Canada anymore. This was becoming worse than I thought. Sadie moved to where she was standing next to the door. She knew me to well. She knew about Tommy! Who is she?  
" I, um, I gotta go.Now." I said making my way to the door. Right as I stepped out of the doorway Sadi grabbed my right arm. I looked down at where her hand touched my arm.  
It was the softest of touches but I looked t it as if it burned. I yanked my arm away from her touch.  
" Dont touch me again." I said, giving her an hurt stare. This was the worst kind of betrayal. I couldn't believe she had known. She stumbled backwards, caught off guard by my sharp tone.  
I turned, grabbed my guitar, and fled the Studio. I drove myself home and locked myself in my room with a bootle of water and some crackers. It was gonna be a long night. I sat down with my guitar. I had a song.

"Got an date a week from Friday With the preacher's son Everybody says he's crazy I'll have to see I finally moved to Jackson When the summer came I won't have to pay that boy To rake my leaves I'm probably going on and on It seems I'm doing more of that these days

chorus I probably wouldn't be this way I probably wouldn't hurt so bad I never pictured every minute without you in it Oh, you left so fast Sometimes I see you standing there Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch Sometimes i feel that i'm so lucky To have had the the chance to love this much God, give me a moments grace Cause if i'd never seen your face I probably wouldn't be this way

Mama says, that i just shouldn't speak to you Sadie says, that i should just move on You oughtta see the way these people look at me When they see me round here talking to this guitar Everybody thinks I've lost my mind But I just take it day by day

chorus I probably wouldn't be this way I probably wouldn't hurt so bad I'd never pictured every minute without you in it Oh, you left so fast Sometimes I see you standing there Sometimes I feel an angels touch Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky To have had the chance to love this much God, give me a moment's grace Cause if I'd never seen your face I probably wouldn't be this way I probably wouldn't be this way

Got a date a week from Friday With the preacher's son Everybody says i'm crazy Guess I'll have to see. "

I sat my guitar down and finished writing the lyrics in my notebook. Amother hit. I crawled into my bed and turned off the light. Sleep...sounds so sweet to my broken heart. Exactly the medicine I need.

Hey ya'll! Ok here's chapter 4! Tell me what you think! Thanks again to Tanya50801 and angel422 and to criminal insanity! Ya'll are awesome! Thanks to everyone whos reading this story to...it means so much to me! 


	5. I Miss You

I Miss You by: Blondenhot

Tom's POV:

"Daddy, why do you like you're about to cry?" the beautiful two-year-old looked up at her father with confused sapphire eyes.

"Oh silly little girl. How could I cry whenI'm looking at something as beautiful as you?" I said, tickeling her little belly. She started giggling uncontrollably. In truth though, I was about to cry. Earlier this morning,  
Portia had approached me in the hallway out side of the kitchen.

"Tommy, Amber needs a daughter. And...I need a husband." she saidd with tears in her eyes. And she was right. I wanted to be a good father for Amber's sake. I had to be.And I couldn't be a good father if I wasn't married to Portia.. I knew that and she knew that. So I had no choice but to reply," Then we're just gonna have to get married then." She broke out in a huge grin and I put on a small smile. She hugged me and softly asked, "When girl?" and then cringed when I remembered that that was my nickname for Jude. All she replied was, "September."

So now me, Thomas Quincy, is getting married on September 2nd. To a woman I don't love. For a little girl who I'm beginning to love. And killing another woman who I love with all my heart.

I'm not even inviting to Jude to the wedding. I CAN'T invite Jude. I won't be able to go through with the wedding if she's there. She's my world. But to my disadvantage, it looks link I'm getting another family. A world with a beautiful little girl and a really pretty wife. So why am I unhappy?

Because I'd give anything to have this same life with Jude.She's my every thought. Night and Day, I see her beautiful face. The face of an angel. I want HER to be my wife. I want HER to have my kids. This little girl. I already love her, But she is Portia's daughter really. Potia was there for her first steps. Portia was there for her first words. I love this little girl...but she ruined anything he might have had with Jude. While this little girl, was doing some of her first stuff, I wasspending time with Jude. Producing her albums. Listening to her talk. Kissing her.

And now all of a sudden, it looks like I'll never do anyof that stuff with her ever again. No forbidden kisses. No stolen heated looks. Only maybe the occasional phone call. And possibly I might see her again. But most likely not. Not here in Montana...thats it! We could move back to Toronto!

"Daddy?" Amber waved her tiny hand in front of my face trying to get my attention. "Will you come push me on the swing?"

" Yeah sure sweetie. I'll be right there." I told her, once again amazed at the beautiful child scramble to the swing set and plunk down on a swing. I slowly made my way over to her. I gently pushed her tiny hips pushing her high but not high enough to hurt her. She was giggling in glee. She was such a joy to watch laugh...Just like someone else I know. And who I left.

This beauty looked just like Portia. Except she had my color of hair and it was curly instead of straight. Her eyes were also the color or mine...a deep sapphire color. She made everyday without Jude a little painful. But just a little.

The worse part of it all is that I love Jude.I lover her so much that every one of my bones ache and shake with a single thought of her. I can't get enough of her. So will I ever be able to be a good husband? Will I ever be able to love Portia? But I know those are the wrong questions I should be asking myself.

The real question is...Will I ever be able to stop loving Jude?

Jude's POV:

The months came and went. I never heard from Tommy again. I didn't call him again and he didnt call me. I missed him. I missed his voice. I missed his laugh. I just plain missed the man I loved. But he wasn't here. He was in MONTANA. MONTANT I tell you. Thats not even in Canada.

Things were awfullay awkward around the house too. I was still hurt that Sadie hadn't bothered to tell me that the love of my life had left the country and she was embarrased that she "had failed at her job of being the older sister"  
Or so she says. Really I'm not that mad anymore. Its her who won't forgive herself.

Kwest and I were ok again. He had told me everything. How he found out ( Tommy had answered his phone for him), why he hadn't told me ( Tommy made him swear not to tell me that he would tell me himself), and ll the other details. I forgave him. I forgave Darius.

I forgave Liam for the sake of my paycheck. I really dont like him. I even forgave Sadie.

And I went on loving Tommy.

I also had been hit with inspiration. I wrote two more songs after we talked.

"(I miss you, miss you)

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare, The shadow in the background of the morgue, The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley We can live like Jack and Sally if you want Where you can always find me And we'll have Halloween on Christmas And in the night we'll wish this never ends We'll wish this never ends

(I miss you, miss you) (I miss you, miss you)

Where are you and I'm so sorry I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight I need somebody and always This sick strange darkness Comes creeping on so haunting every time And as I stared I counted The webs from all the spiders Catching things and eating their insides Like indecision to call you And hear your voice of treason Will you come home and stop this pain tonight Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already The voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you) Don't waste your time on me you're already The voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)

Don't waste your time on me you're already The voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you) Don't waste your time on me you're already The voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)

Don't waste your time on me you're already The voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you) Don't waste your time on me you're already The voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)

(I miss you, miss you) (I miss you, miss you) (I miss you, miss you) (I miss you, miss you.)"

(which of course Tommy inspired and)

"From the moment that we met My world was turned around, upside down To some degree I still regret my memory For keeping you around Boy, I thought that you were mine But my broken heart's been shattered One too mine times

And I don't wanna see you anymore I'm just not that strong I love it when you're here But I'm better when you're gone I'm certain that I've given And oh how you can take There's no use in you lookin'  
There's nothin' left for you to break Baby, please release me Let my heart rest in pieces, in pieces

Someone let you down again So you turn to me, your convenient friend Oh, but I know what you're doin' and what you hope to find I've seen it a thousand times All the fire we had before Are now just bitter ashes Left scattered on the floor

And I don't wanna see you anymore I'm just not that strong I love it when you're here But I'm better when you're gone I'm certain that I've given And oh how you can take There's no use in you lookin'  
There's nothin' left for you to break Baby, please release me Let my heart rest in pieces, in pieces

Yeah

I don't wanna see you anymore I'm just not that strong I love it when you're here, baby But I'm better when you're gone I'm certain that I've given And oh how you can take There's no use in you lookin'  
There's nothin' left for you to break Baby, please release me We both know that you don't need me Let my heart rest in pieces, in pieces Let it rest."

(which once again Tommy inspired)

Life was slowly starting to go on. I was slowly getting stronger.

Then, two months after Tommy and my phone call, on a mid-August day. I got an unexpected invitation.

" You are hereby invited to the wedding of Thomas Quincy and Portia Jennings on the evening of 2 September, 2006 7:00 PM. No gifts are required only that you be present. Hope to see you there!"

And once again I was broken.

Ok guys! Here's my third update of the day : ) I hope you like it! Im gonna try something I picked up from a great writer. She gets a bunch of review so I'm gonna see if I can get 12 reviews by the time I review next. Thanks a bunch to all my readers. Luv! Oh and the songs were " I Miss You" by Blink 182 and " Pieces" by Rascal Flatts. 


	6. The Pre Wedding

The Time Has Come By:blondenhot 

Tom's POV:

August was spent making plans for our day. The cake design, the place,  
the rings, and the reception.

It was the second time we had gotten married but the first time either of us had actually planned the wedding.

It was exciting as well as heartbreaking. Everytime I got excited about something for the wedding, I'd forget I wasn't planning Jude and mine's wedding...I was planning mine and Portia's. Portia was really into the whole "Perfect Wedding" idea. She had bought the "Perfect Dress" and the "Perfect shoes" for it.

The scary thing about all of it was that Portia seemed to be falling for me all over again. She had never said " I love you again" but it was the little actions that showed she was. And here I was, loving Jude yet marrying Portia. Jude still rested on my every thought. Would Jude like these flowers? Would Jude like this chapel? What would Jude look like in a wedding gown... walking towards me as my bride?

What had I gotten myself into?

Jude's POV:

A wedding. Tommy's wedding. Weddings were supposed to be beautiful, amazing, wonderful and life changing events.

This one was going to be a living hell to sit through.

How did this even happen was my question. WHEN did thsi happen? Just a few months ago he and I were kissing...and we were happy. But he had invited me to the wedding after all. Did he do it as a duty to me as my producer? Or did he do it to tell me that we were really over? Did he even expect me to show up?

Well he's in for a surprise. I'm going to that wedding and I'm going to look stunning. He's going to wish he had never invited me. evil laugh lol not really but it sounds good. But I am going to go and while they are saying the vows, I'm going to shut my eyes and pretend that Tommy's saying them to me instead of her. And I'm going to pray to god to help me love him no more.

So the day after I got the invite I went shopping with Sades. I went out and bought the dress I would wear on September 2nd. It was a black dress that came to right past my knees. It hugged me in all the right places. and had slender little spaghetti straps. I bought some gorgeous stilletos. They strapped all the way up to past my ankles. They were extremely sexy.

To the wedding, I'm wearing my hair down and in big loose curls. It's going to be loosely pulled half back and secured with a black flower clip and my bangs would be down. I'm going to be borrowing Beautiful drop diamond earrings and a lovely 4 carrot necklace.

For Tommy and mine's- I mean Tommy and Portia's wedding I would look good. You can count on that, Tommy.

Tom's POV:

Sadly, the day was here. It was September 2nd and I had a wedding to attend. My wedding. I was in the limo with some guys I had met and become pretty good friends with. I leaned up and turned on the radio to a local station. Suddenly a voice filled the limo.

"And next we have a premiere of Jude Harrison's newest hit " Everytime I hear Your Name." Let me know what you think!" Suddenly her voice filled the speakers, her voice raw and filled with pain. She was playing guitar and SME were softly playing in the background.

"Finally got over that song of ours

Stopped chasing little blue sports cars, to check the license plates

And I quit driving by your place

Back making the rounds at all the hearts,

concerts, restaurants, seeing some of our old friends

feels good to dance again

I can finally smell your cologne

And I look around the room for you

I could walk right by your picture in a frame

and not feel a thing,"

Did she really not feel thing for me anymore?

"But when I hear your name I feel rain fallin' right out of the blue sky

And it's the 5th of May and I'm right there staring in your eyes

And nothing's changed, we're still the same

And I get lost in the innocence of a first kiss

And I'm hanging on to every word rolling off of your lips

And that's all it takes, and I'm in that place

Everytime I hear your name. "

Oh thank god. I let out a breath of thanks. She still cared.

"Got someone special in my life Everyone thinks he'd make a great life

Mom says she thinks he's the one, reminds her of dad when he was young But it's way too soon to be talking about rings Don't want to rush into anything He's gettin over someone too, kinda like me and you He talks about her every once in awhile

And I just nod my head and smile, cuz I know exactly what he's going through Yeah, I've been there too, when the conversation turns to you."

Some one special? Is she dating someone else?

"I get caught in the "you were the only one for me"  
Kinda thought, and your face is all that I see

I Know I can't go back, but I still go back

And there we are, parked down by the riverside

And I'm in my arms, about to make love for the first time

And that's all it takes, and I'm in that place

Everytime I hear your name

Stop thinkin' about the words I left unsaid

(Everytime I hear your name)

Stop trying to change the things that I can change (Everytime I hear your name)

In my heart I know you're gone, but in my head...

I feel rain falling right out of the blue sky

And it's the 5th of May, and I'm right there staring in your eyes.

That's all it takes, and I'm in that place

And there we are, parked down by the riverside

And I'm in your arms, about to make love for the first time.  
And I can't explain, but I'm in that place

Everytime I hear your name

Everytime I hear your name

(Everytime I hear your name)

(Everytime I hear your name)

Everytime I hear your name... "

She still loves me.

Is that a sign?

Jude's POV:

Sadly, the day for Tommy's wedding was here. Kwest, Sadie, and I were seated in first class preparing for a landing into the Montana Airport. We were gonna get our bags, catch a cab, head to the hotel to change, and then head straight to the wedding. We had like an hour and a half.

I was mentally preparing myself for this. I knew I wouldn't be able to get through the whole service without crying but I had to try. If I couldn't get through this how would I be able to get through the rest of the night?

1 hour and 15 minutes later:

Kwest was paying the cabfare while Sadie and me stared in awe at the huge chapel where Tommy and Portia were getting married. The stained glass windows were of extravagent colors-- blues, greens,golds, pinks, you name it it was up there. The parking lot was packed with limos, bmws, and trucks. Obviously, they had planned a small wedding.

NOT.

We slowly made our way to the door of the chapel. Sadie had a firm grip on my elbow...as if I might run away. I had thought of that before actually. But this might be the last time I ever see Tommy again...

Wow, theres a depressing thought.

We made our way to the door and Sadie gave my elbow a soft squeeze and dropped her hand from my elbow. Oddly enough, Kwest grabbed Sadie's other hand. Hmm...I'll have to ask her about that. We made it to the doors and two friendly looking attendants opened the door for us.

Let the fun begin.

Hey ya'll! It's Caroline and this is my chapter 6! Tell me what you think! Review! Oh and special thanks to angel422 ( who might be co writing the wedding chapters) and to Jude Quincy for reading my stories! I love all of you! So please review for me? I'm gonna see if I can get up to 18 reviews. LUV!


	7. The Wedding

The Wedding

By: Blondenhot and Angel422

Tommy's POV:

I glanced around the large tomblike room with trepidation— watching the doors of the church as people milled around it's entryway and I wanted to scream—mostly because I couldn't seem to picture myself here now doing this again with Portia. We hadn't worked before, and I didn't think we'd work now. The only thing that seemed to cement the deal was Amber. She was reason we were doing this—the reason I had agreed to this madcap scheme to begin with. I felt like I was at a funeral— encased suddenly in a mausoleum as people cried around my coffin. Should a person feel that way at a wedding? Jesus this was more than cold feet. I had friggin' blocks of ice encasing my toes.

"You look sick, man." Derek, a recent friend of mine commented as I just nodded absently. I just needed to close my eyes for a minute and concentrate on Amber. It wasn't that hard to remind myself of the reasons why I was doing this. Anyone who had sat at my dinner table when I was growing up would chalk this up to psychology. A shrink would have a field day with me if I would shuffle over the money for something like that, but the only thing I wanted right now was a stiff drink and a cigarette.

"I'm fine." I finally mumbled as I tried my damndest not to concentrate on why we were all here. And then I saw her and I froze as I peered out into the vestibule at the figure that entered the church inbetween Sadie and Kwest. A small smile was playing on her lips, despite the situation.She was a vision dressed in black— almost as if she were in mourning and I felt almost kindred to her. Was that color something she had picked on purpose or was it just because it happened to reveal every curve on her slender body? It made me go numb suddenly— that dreaded feeling that will come over you when you suddenly realize you're on the spot— like trying to make a speech in front of hundreds of people. It paralyzed me as I watched her take her seat— scooting along the aisle as she apologized to people she had to step over and then she looked up and our eyes met. When had the chemistry between us become so palpable— like the beating of that incessant heart in the Edgar Allan Poe tale. It was haunting enough to be written by the legend of mournful literature. I closed my eyes to break the connection. I had to.

Jude…

I looked up at him a moment— letting our eyes connect because I knew I needed the closure too. It wasn't as if I couldn't see the torment in his eyes— as if I couldn't picture something similar to it in my own head. I felt like my neck was inside a guillotine and I was just waiting for the right moment for the blade to fall—to end it all. I listened as the church music began— listened as people started to rush towards their seats in anticipation of the event. And I watched— watched as Kwest moved up to the front of the chapel to shake Tommy's hand and to stand next to him as his best man because that's what best friends do even when they didn't like someone else's decisions. I saw a few other guys next to Tom— men I didn't know and right now, men I could care less about. The only man that garnered my attention was Tom— the blue-eyed devil from Hades—the man that had stolen my heart. I listened again as more people entered—as people chatted about the nuptials and I wanted to fall into the floor—to lose myself in the cement beneath my feet.

"You didn't have to come." Someone said from behind me and I turned suddenly in dread to find Tommy standing there—leaning against the pew where I was sitting in that all too casual manner of his—that devil may care suaveness. I just shrugged.

"Maybe I didn't, but I felt like I owed myself this much—felt like I needed to see this to the end. I did get an invitation." I replied in a low tone as Tommy looked back up at the front of the church.

"That doesn't mean you have to stay." He reiterated as I just looked up at his face quietly— feeling the anger I was trying to suppress bubble up in my blood.

"Are you afraid you won't be able to go through with it Tommy if I'm here. Here, I'll make it easy on you. I promise I won't cry." I announced stoically as he turned to look at me again. I felt ice wrap around my body.

"What if I wanted you to? Would that be wrong of me?" He asked almost in a whisper as I just frowned. He wanted me to hurt? Did he like the idea that I would long for him? I just shook my head. This was crazy.

"Go get married, Tommy." I finally stated flatly as I looked straight ahead— up into Kwest's worried eyes as he watched us from the front. I closed my eyes to drown out the room.

"You're wearing black." Tom said suddenly as if the color of my dress was something important. I just cringed. The music changed suddenly— became more insistent. I kept my eyes closed.

"That's your cue." I remarked as I listened to him move away. Despite my best efforts, I felt part of my heart go with him.

Tommy's POV:

Even once the ceremony had progressed, I still couldn't get the thought of her in that dress out of my mind. She had looked so good...like an angel in black. The preacher was going on and on about the treasure of being wed. Quit frankly, I couldn't care less about this wedding... I did care though that Jude was here. She said...she had gotten an invitation...but who did she get it from? I didn't send it to her.

Nervously trying to distract myself from this all to painful event, I looked out into the wave of people looking for a familiar face. I searched the pews for someone I might know...someone who could understand that I didn't really love Portia and not hate me for it. The sad thing about this wedding was that I didn't even know half of the 3,000 people that had been invited. Neither did Portia. It was just something we had to invite anyone who was anybody to. As I continued my search for a face I recognized, my thoughts slowly drifted back to Jude. How good she had looked when she turned around to look at me in surprise. Then suddenly, I saw her. She was sitting there, her head slightly drooped, her eyes squeezed together in a sad attempt to keep the tears from pouring out. She was trying to be strong.

It wasn't working.

Then, as I was looking at her realizing what a freakin idoit I was for breaking her heart over and over again, her eyes slowly fluttered open and she looked straight at me. Her eyes grew wide and her head snapped up. She hurridly tried to wipe her tears, embarresed. Needless to say, she hadn't kept her promise. What a jerk, Quincy...

"-your bride?" the preacher had finally quit rambling about the silly things, and had seemed to have turned his attention over to me. I had been to busy looking at the woman I trully loved to let what he had been sying register to me.

" In a distracted voice I muttered, " Yeah." When he started saying the same thing to Portia, the enormity of what I had just done cut me like a steak knife. I was married. To PORTIA. Ugh.

I looked back at Jude fleetingly, scared to see her facial expression. Her jaw had dropped, her eyes wide with disbelievement fresh tears cascading down her plae cheeks. The pain jumped from her eyes to mine even through the distance. She hadn't expected me to go through with it. Hell, I didn't think I'd be able to either. And that was BEFORE Jude showed up.

" I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." the preacher said beaming at the both of us. Portia and Tommy Quincy. As much as I hated to, I leaned over and gave Portia a small, cold peck on the lips. Portia's eyes widened with hurt and surprised.

OH MY GOD.

Portia had been misled. She thought I had married her because I loved her back.

Hey! It's blondenhot and Angel422. This is our chapter, The Wedding. Please don't hate us for this! We are Jommy fans as well and we promise we will try to make up for it in later chapters. Thanks for everything Angel422. Half of this was your chapter too and I couldnt have done it without you! Much LUV to all of you! Please please review. Can we try 32 reviews? I know thats a lot but I'm gonna chance it. Thanks! luv!


	8. The Reception Part One

The Reception Part One

By:Blondenhot and Angel422

Jude's POV:

Thirty minutes later, after we had shuffled out of the crowded pews, we got into a cab that was waiting for us while I quickly touched up my mascara, lipstick, and powder. We were off--headed towards the local club Redd Hott for Tommy and Portia's All night wedding reception. They really knew how to plan an event.

I had forced myself to stop crying as we shoved our way out of the door and into some greatly needed fresh air. He was a married man now. Whatever we had had together was gone now and what little hope I still had for a future with that arrogant, beautiful producer of mine had left with it. I just had to find a way to accept that and move on with my life. Turn another page in the infamous Jude Harrison biography. In my heart I know he's gone, but in my head...well, lets just say my head isn't ready to admit it yet.

It's just like the song I wrote about him. I can go to the restuarant we were supposed to go to on our first date and only feel a tinge of sadness and hatred towards him. I can walk into the alley and feel only the softness of his lips on mine for the first time. But as soon as someone says his name around me, whether it be Kwest, Darius, Sadie, or a stranger on the streets, all the feelings that I felt toward him and still feel for him collapse on me, drowning me with salty and sweet memories. I remember the way he used to look at me those last couple of days we were together. They were heated, special looks that reflected the emotions I was sure my eyes were flashing at him: love, lust...need. A kiss that shared the same immense intensity. A simple touch on the arm as we were writing a song together...that kind of remembrance kills me. It makes a slightly healed wound and creates a new scar.

But now all that's left of us are bittersweet memories and the fact that what ever we had had before all this was semi-real. And it was mutual. And he still produces me. At best. He might not even be doing that for me. These last couple of months had been hard without him there to guide me and reassure me that I was going to be ok--that my broken heart would heal with time. Yeah, I've written a few songs.

That was after the night he had called me. And all of my songs I had written lately had been about his sorry ass. He's married now...with a daughter.

Amber had been their flower girl. She was beautiful...she had Tommy's eyes. As she was walking by, tossing flowers around, and grinning from ear to ear, I had gotten a good look at her. She had brown curly hair the color of her father's and the same eyes. God, she had the exact same eyes. As she was walking down the aisle, she had paused and looked down our row, curiously. Her little face was still frozen with a smile. When she looked at us, I was struck silly. The same amazing eyes of the man I loved stared back at me, kindly yet knowingly.Tears stung my eyes but I had pushed them away as I watched the child float towards the alter. I refused to cry...yet.

Now sitting in the back of the cab, I felt my heart break once again. The look on Tommy's handsome face after he had said, " Yeah." The petrified look scared the hell out of me. He hadn't planned on going through with it. When he had looked at me, looked in my eyes and realized the finality of his words, I saw as much sorrow pouring from his eyes as there were tears pouring from mine. And there was an embarrising amount of tears flowing freely down my cheeks at that moment. I couldn't help but wonder how he had felt knowing how much he had hurt me again. And when he had leaned down to kiss Portia and didn't even bother to close his eyes, did he realize that if he hadn't been a friggin idiot when he was younger, that could have been us in a few years? Did he realize that in one hour long ceremony, he had managed to break my heart into a million more pieces?

"You were good in there, Jude. Yeah, you cried a little. So what? If it would've been me in there watching the man I love get married, I would have had people turning down their hearing aids and the younger people wondering where the siren was coming from." Sadie said with a laugh. The sad thing was...she was right. I mustered up a small smile for her sake (to save what little sanity she had left.)

"Thanks...I tried staying quiet so that all those hot guys who were checking me out wouldn't think I was an emotional basket case. Well to postpone them of finding out until after they had gotten to know me." I said playing along in a whispering tone. " So Sades, what's going on with you and Kwest?" I asked her, watching as her face lit up at the sound of his name.

"Aw, nothing. He's just a good guy who makes it easy to lighten up toeven in tough situations." she said, looking up towards the front seat where Kwest was seated chatting with the cab driver.As if he could tell she was looking at him, he turned around and made eye contact with her. Then, he smiled. It was strange...I had never seen him look like that at anyone before. They could have a future together. There wasn't a law that stated they couldn't.

Unlike a certain married man and a broken girl. But we all know that story...

Tommy…

The club was full of people as the wedding planner walked around frantically making sure everything was in order before whispering something to the DJ we had hired for the event. He nodded before playing around with the music and that old classic love song Hopelessly Devoted to You by Olivia Newton John began spouting through the speakers suddenly as I watched silently while the wedding planner motioned for everyone to get off the dance floor. In the long run, I knew that this was the part of the reception where the two newly weds were supposed to get up and shine in all their ethereal glory like trophies sitting on top of a bookcase. Let's just say that this particular trophy could use some glossing up especially after realizing that Portia was still in love with me. I should have seen that—really I should have by the way she had always followed Sadie around warning her about me and sabotaging any chance I had at a normal relationship when Sades and I had dated—not that Sadie and I had been normal. Normal wasn't kissing your hot girlfriend while pretending she was her sister. No, that was just demented. But then again, Portia and I had had an interesting relationship in the past—meeting through her brother when we were both still young and I was, let's just say too lustful, to look past that to notice it wasn't love. So we had married and well, maybe I ruined it the first time—didn't give her the chance to get over it either. I just broke her heart and we didn't see each other again until I was twenty-one, right before the Instant Star contest when I had returned to Toronto to produce for Georgia. In a moment of weakness, I let Portia get too close again and that was it. A couple of weeks later she appeared once again at a pool party I took Jude to and then she disappeared for a while. Obviously, it was because of Amber.

"They're wanting us to go out there on the dance floor." Portia said suddenly from beside me as I just nodded absently. I couldn't be what she wanted me to be—that trophy husband that only envisions life with her. That wasn't in me. My goal now became being the trophy father instead while trying to figure out what to do about Portia. Darius glared at me from across the room as my gaze fell once again on Jude who was staring at one of the guys from the wedding in slight amusement as he kept begging her to let him get her a drink. My body was flooded with numbness as a red haze almost fell over my vision. Yes, it was anger. I knew it was—anger at myself and at the louse getting to offer Jude things I was no longer allowed to even fantasize about. Or was I? I didn't have a lock on my fantasies just on actually acting them out. I mean what guy really, even married ones, didn't have some fantasy about some woman out there—such as Halle Berry or Julia Roberts for example. I've seen Pretty Woman and let me tell you, I would have paid more money than Richard Gere had I been given the opportunity, but hey at least Julia Roberts was legal and not staring at me now from across the room in a way that made my pants too tight.

"Tom." Portia said again insistently as I glanced down at her with a look that said 'Let's go have our moment.' She just smiled before taking my hand in hers and leading me out onto the dance floor as everybody clapped and cheered, and I smiled for the cameras too because that's what I had been trained to do—smile and cover my ass when it came to publicity. The studio was waiting for us when Portia and I returned to Toronto and we—or should I say Darius—needed the publicity like a fish needed water. Could I really still be Jude's producer—joking the same way we always had before with the same sexual innuendos and playful attitude? Yeah, I could just see that happening. God, what had I done?  
Portia laughed suddenly as she waved at some friends and I still stood there smiling— giving her her moment as I drew her in close for the dance while smelling that familiar scent—the perfume that had taken me forever to forget after the first time we were ever married. Jude's own scent suddenly came to mind only because she wore such a light scent—not heavy and suffocating. I think it was one of those perfumes you find at Victoria's Secret. They should really call it 'Forbidden.'

"You're stepping on my toes, Tom." Portia said suddenly and I looked down quickly as I realized that I had quit listening to the music. What was wrong with me?  
Jude…

I looked over at the dancing couple quietly while smiling pleasantly at the guy next to me. I hadn't really caught his name, but at this point, I guess it didn't matter.

"Are you sure I can't get you a drink?" He asked me again as I rolled my eyes. For heaven's sake, the guy must think we live in the friggin' desert. I finally just nodded. Maybe he just needed something to do. He smiled even brighter as he sighed before hurrying to fulfill my demand. I turned back towards the dance floor—haunted suddenly by Portia's bright smile. Why did it aggravate me so much? And what was with the song Hopelessly Devoted To You? Wasn't that the song in that movie The Wedding Planner in which Jennifer Lopez told Matthew McConaughay that if chosen by the couple meant the marriage would last only about three months? I suddenly felt like looking around for Jennifer Lopez. The flower girl, Amber, sauntered over to me, and I smiled down at her. She looked depressed, and I couldn't help but note that she looked liked him when he was depressed.

"What's wrong?" I asked her quietly as she just looked up at me uncertainly as if she wasn't sure she was supposed to be talking to me. Her white dress had a slight punch stain on it, and the curls on top of her head weren't far from falling out of the clip they were held up in. She finally edged over a little closer as if she had decided I was okay.

"My cousin gave me a piece of gum." She stated quietly as I just shrugged at her uncertainly. Okay, so she had been chewing gum.

"Is there something wrong with it?" I asked her gently as she just frowned at the floor.

"No….I…dropped it, I think. My mouth is empty now. See." She said as she opened her jaws up wide and pointed inside. I almost laughed at the innocent gesture.

"I see." I finally answered her as I heard a sudden exclamation from the dance floor.

"What the hell?" I heard a female voice mutter as I looked up to see Portia almost stumbling as Tom reached over to catch her. She straightened up only to look down in horrified surprise at the little pink piece of gum that now kept her very expensive shoes glued to the wooden floor. I tried not to snicker…really I did, but eventually I had to bite down on my lip to keep myself from roaring with laughter.

"I think we've found your gum." I said to Amber as Portia looked up at the place where I was sitting—narrowing her eyes as if she thought I was the reason behind the sticky situation. Yep, it's so obvious that I felt the need to chew gum and throw it at her heels. Tommy just glanced between us slowly before his gaze landed at the girl at my feet, and the softening of his eyes made me realize that this was Amber—his and Portia's daughter. I had assumed it was during the wedding just from earlier descriptions...and her eyes.

"Amber, what are you doing?" Portia asked as she advanced on us from the floor. Amber cowered at she looked at the shoe Portia now held in her hand.

"I don't think she meant to cause any trouble." Tommy said quietly as he came to stand behind Portia—staring first at me and then at his daughter. Portia just took a deep breath and then nodded before stepping back and looking at Tom.

"I'll be right back. I'm going to go and see if I can get this off. Find another dance partner if you must...this may take awhile. " She murmured as Tommy nodded before looking again at me. It made me nervous, and I fidgeted as Tommy's gaze followed Portia as she disappeared around the corner before looking once again at me.

"Finish the dance with me?" He asked as I just cringed. What?

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Hey ya'll! ItsBlondenhot and Angel422! Thanks for the reviews for our previous chapter! We are having a lot of fun with these chapters and we sincerely hope that you are enjoying it! We love ya'll...It's all for you guys! Thanks again for everything you've done for me Angel422...you have been so good! I've really enjoyed these chapters with you! Thanks for everything! So can we try 40 reviews? Let me know what you think...whether it's good or bad...please review!

Lots of love to all those who reviewed the previous chapters and glad that you are tuning in. Keep checking in. What happens when the wedding's over and it's time to return to the studio? Hugs to all. Blondenhot and Angel422


	9. The Reception Part Two

Tom's pov:  
"You...you want ME to dance with you? she asked me uncertainly, her eyes wide and her hands shaking, slightly yet visibly. So I still had the same effect on her. And she still had the same effect on me.  
Our feelings hadn't changed at all.

"Of course...Portia DID say I could get another partner if I chose to...so why not?" I said, taking one of her delicate hands in mine and rubbing soft slow circles on the top. I couldn't believe how wonderful it felt. THIS is how it should be. THIS felt right.

THIS was love.

Jude hesitantly nodded, her face showing all her emotions:guilt,pleasure,regret,love. I slowly led her over to the dance floor where several other couples had begun dancing, oblivious to us. Jude really did look gorgeaus. The dress she was wearing was only half of it. Her hair had fallen out of place a little and dangled in front of her face. I gently brushed back the strand and tucked it behind her ear. She looked up stunned as I pulled her close to me. My arms encircled her waist as her arms looped around my neck. We locked eyes. We danced like that, silently yet saying all too many words, until the end of the song. As the DJ switched tracks, we never moved an inch. Then he put on "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion. It was just me holding her close to me, taking advantage while I could. Finally she looked into my eyes and sighed.

"I shouldn't be dancing with you."she murmured as I just shrugged before glancing around the room. The fact that several other couples had moved onto the dance floor made the situation more bearable—more plausible.

"You're still my artist and a friend, Jude. Being married doesn't change that. It's just dancing." I muttered as I watched her shake her head and laugh-yes laugh because it all seemed way to unbelieveable.  
"Is it?" she asked me as I felt my eyes darkened in that all to familiar brooding manner of mine.

"Yes." I stated firmly as she just nodded. If I could pretend then so could she. She stepped on my foot accidentally, and I grunted. Okay, so she couldn't dance. I knew that when I asked her.

"Sorry." she whispered as I just chuckled. She could tell I was thinking about the time Darius had made her dress up in the silver space cadet outfit and learn a routine dance. Ahhhh! Post that up in her journal of most embarrassing moments.

"I guess dating Shay didn't improve your dancing skills much." I said jokingly as she just smiled. No, it hadn't. She stepped on my toe again just for good measure.

"I've missed this, Tom. So much." she said her voice cracking and her eyes filling with tears. I always seem to have that effect on her. But she must be an angel. No one is supposed to look that beautiful even when on the verge of tears. I stared down at her in amazement, that she had so bodly admitted that to me. I smiled down at her and wiped away the single tear that was rolling down her cheek.

"Girl-" I started, only to feel a slight tap on my right shoulder. I slowly turned my head to the right, ready to hit who ever was interrupting us. When I saw who it was I forced my self to pry away from Jude, while still managing to keep a hold of her hand, wanting to feel her skin against mine for as long as I could.

"Portia!"

Jude's POV:

Portia stood in front of us, glaring daggers through me, as if we had done something wrong. She had told Tommy that he could pick a new partner while she was gone. So what was her deal? I just smiled at her as if everything was going great- as if my heart was hurting from the loos of contact with his body.  
"I think I can take it from here, Jude."she said as I let go of Tommy's hand before smiling again at Portia and backing away in the same manner a criminal would from a police officer. It was just a dance for heaven's sake. No reason to feel guilty. Now was the time to have some fun with her.  
" Can you really, Portia? Are you sure something isn't wrong?" I asked her, still smiling a bright, energetic smile.  
" Yes I can Jude. And nothing's wrong. I'm wonderful. After all, I just got married to the man of my dreams. He's all I've ever wanted." she said flashing me a smile and obviously trying to hurt me. It worked but I couldn't let her see that. I watched as she looped her thin arm around Tommy's and I looked at him, expecting him to do something. When he didn't I turned my attention back to Portia.  
" That's great! I'm happy for you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to talk to Sadie." I said, smiling again. When I came to be beside Tommy, he reached out and grabbed my arm. Was he finally going to tell me how he feels about me? That he's sorry?  
" Thanks for the dance." he said, looking down into my arms as if we were swapping secrets without words.  
"Anytime, Tommy. Anytime." I said and turned around and walked off. I put a little extra sway into my hips as I sauntered off, satisfied in knowing that in my descent toward the cake where I had been standing earlier, at least two pairs of eyes were watching my retreating back.

Tommy's POV:

As I watched her sashae away, I felt my eyes burn. Knowing she was off limits just made me want her even more.  
I was ashamed of it but...being married to someone else makes me love her even more.

"Where does she get off, talking to me like that! And at my own wedding reception too!Tom, I knew she had a thing for you but I never knew when I invited her-" she said waving her hand in the air for effect. When I heard the last part, I felt my head spin around my shoulders.

"It was YOU that invited her? What in God's name possessed you to do something as STUPID as that?" I asked her, trying to keep my voice at a low level. How could she, without even asking my opinion?

"Tommy...I thought it would make you happy! I know it's been hard for you lately...I'm not blind. I know you've missed everyone from your home. I did it for you." she moaned as if I was the one who had done something wrong. As I saw her eyes fill with tears, I felt the sudden need to comfort her. I felt awful for ruining her day...just because of a simple need and desire that was to late to fulfill.

" Portia." I told her pulling her into my arms to stop the tears from falling." We'll talk later..for now let's dance." I told her as I moved her towards the dance floor.

They put on a different, faster song and we began dancing again. She pulled me close grinding into me in a dirty way. I shut my eyes, praying to not cry.Not to cry for a broken future. Not to cry for Jude and her crushed dreams. Not to cry for everything that had gone wrong lately in my life. I finally opened my eyes after I had gotten control of myself. I quietly surveyed the dance floor. Derek was dancing with some red head, looking ...pretty horny. Ha, good for him! Everyone looked happy...except for one blondie who stood next to the cake, examining it. It was like she could feel my heart braking while I was looking at her- her head swiveled in my direction and locked eyes with me once again. She shot me a quick smile and swallowed the tears that were shining in her eyes. I couldn't decide what to do.

I was torn between my heart and my duty.

Luckily the wedding planner decided for me. She got over the speaker and calmly told people to find their seats for the toast and then after that would be the bouquet catching and then the seeing the couple off. Had it really been that long since the dreaded wedding?

Portia led me over to our seats and I settled into a comfortable position and prepared my self for the toast. Thoughts overwhelmed me over what I should say...this would be interesting.

Jude's POV:

I watched as the wedding planner motioned for silence—pointing now at the married couple as Tommy and Portia sat side by side smilingly, although the glass the planner had handed Tom shook visibly as if he were having problems deciding where he was going to go with this. Portia didn't look close to being intimidated. She lifted up her glass and faced the crowd pointedly.

"Tom and I both wanted to give a toast to thank all of those who were able to attend the wedding. We appreciate the support and the great outpouring of kindness and compassion. Now, I'd like to toast my husband." Portia reiterated as I cringed. Why was this so hard for me to sit through? Maybe, it was because I was afraid that it would break down whatever resistance I had left. Tom looked at Portia expectantly—avoiding direct eye contact as she spoke.

"Tom, I want to thank you now for being such a wonderful father to Amber. It has been a long, hard road, but you have weathered it well. I have high hopes for our future together. I love you." Portia said slowly as I closed my eyes. She had finally said it—'I love you.' It brought chills to my spine. Opening my eyelids, I watched as Tommy's hand lifted up into the air. It still shook.

"Portia." He said slowly as he glanced out into the room before letting his gaze return to hers—almost waveringly.

"You are a wonderful mother and a devoted woman—devoted to whatever you take on in life. I respect that tremendously. To you." He remarked as he tapped his glass up against hers before turning to face the crowd—lifting his glass toward us in a universal salute. Portia did the same and we all toasted them in return. It was apparent in Portia's expression and throughout my own thoughts that Tommy had left one important item out of that salute. He hadn't said he loved her back.

After we had eaten, Sadie appeared at my side and grabbed my hand.

" Let's go! It's time for the most exciting time yet- the catching of the bouquet!" she said her eyes lighting up with hope.

" Sadie...I don't know..." I told her looking at anywhere but her face. I just couldn't. I had just watched the man I loved get married. How is there any chance I'm getting married anytime soon. So I wanted no chance at getting the bouquet. None at all.

We finally made it outside and awiated the torture...

Twenty minutes later...

Portia stood readily—holding the bouquet over her head as if it were a damn medal of honor. I could feel her pride—the sunny exterior that mirrored what every bride should feel and look like.

"All the single women gather at the bottom of the stairs." The wedding planner called out in that high sing-song voice of hers that grated on my spine like fingernails going down a chalkboard. I felt Sadie pull me along beside her—into the mix-matched group of women that started giggling and wagging their brows at each other as they each boasted that they would be the one to catch the bouquet. I just pulled on my arm again—trying my best to get Sadie to release it, but I saw the firm resolve in the crinkles around her clenched jaw.

"I am not letting you stand on the sideline, Jude, so get that sexy little tush over here and smile for the camera." Sadie replied as I rolled my eyes at her candor. Yeah, classic Sadie. She'd smile for the Grim Reaper himself as long as he promised she'd be in the shot. I finally gave in—letting her pull me up near the front, but I didn't have to participate—I didn't have to try and catch the thing.

"Okay, get ready everyone!" Portia yelled as Tommy grinned slightly from beside her. Trying, I think to become the mirror husband—that perfect picture of what grooms are supposed to look like. I just stared down at the floor.

"You're not going to catch it like that." Sadie insisted as I just stomped on her toe to make her shut up. She stomped on mine right back and I grimaced. Damn, why did us Harrison women have to be so darned stubborn? Portia laughed suddenly as she lifted up the bouquet.  
"Here it comes…One….Two…THREE!" She shouted before vaulting the arrangement high up into the air. The scene became like one of those slow motion reels you see in very important parts of epic movies. The flowers moved as if in milliseconds—gliding through the air like poetry, and I squinted my eyes in much the same way that Debra Messing did in that movie the Wedding Date. Don't come near me! Don't come near me! I almost begged the air for release, but just like any other fouled up moment in comedy history—the friggin' bouquet sailed straight at my head as if fate decreed some sort of law "Jude Harrison must marry next available bachelor" As if. I tried dodging it, but several women dived at me and landed in a pile at my feet—leaving just me standing staring in almost amused horror at the flowered arrangement that suddenly fell in my crossed hands—crossed across my chest for a reason. Obviously crossing your arms invites flowers to suddenly appear in them like a trick out of a Houdini act. I would die if a rabbit suddenly appeared. I saw Portia look down at the mess and wince. It was the first time I got a future look at how she thought about me—a threat. Tommy stared too, but with a different expression—almost a soulful one as if he couldn't believe what fate had dished out at us. The taste was bitter wasn't it, Quincy. Sadie laughed and clapped.

"Step up gentlemen. Who wants to be the one to walk down the aisle with this sexy vixen?" Sadie shouted as she held up my hand as if I had just won a boxing match. I smiled tightly as several guys whistled—watching as Tommy stared at the men as if he wished he could shoot them all. Hmmm…maybe this wasn't so bad. I grinned at the guys—holding out my hand in invitation, and everyone laughed as they suddenly surged forth to lift me off the ground so that the wedding photographer could take a picture of us for the wedding album—the woman who caught the bouquet.

Tom's POV:

I felt my heart drop to my feet when I saw the bouquet gracefully slide into Jude's slender arms. It was as if God had marked this day as payback...me getting married to a woman I don't love, me getting to dance with the woman I do love, the woman I love catching the bouquet, the univeral marking of the next to be wed. In my mouth, there was a foul, bitter taste. For the first time, I was tasting bittersweet irony.

The men looked at Jude as if they were all getting stiff just looking at her...I wanted to kill them all. Even Derek had forgotten all about the red head that he had been clinging to earlier to stare at Jude's ass as it passed over their heads. I thought of the many ways I could kill each and everyone of them...quite creative ways and some completely disturbing. I was embarresed that I was feeling these things at my own wedding reception...but more ashamed that during the time I could have made a pass at Jude-really told her how I felt- I had been to caught up in the whole "she's only 17" scheme. I knew that was bull...I was scared. Scared of regection. Scared that Darius would find out. Scared that I would fall in so deep that nothing would be able to pull me away or stop me from completely taking advantage of her innocence. And yet, after all of my best attempts, That had happened anyway.

Like I said, Irony is bittersweet.

When the comotion had finally ceased and the wedding planner finally got to the end of her speech about what great hope she had for me and Portia, the end finally came. We shuffled out into the parking lot where a black tradional limo sat patiently waiting for Portia and me. She climbed into the backseat of the limo and it was finally my turn. My turn to get in the car that would lead me to the airport for us to board a plain to Toronto because I had a job to get back to and she had family to atted to...her grandfather was dying. We would have our honeymoon sometime later...hopefully not anytime soon. I turned and glanced one more time before climbing into my fate. I looked out into the crowd looking for her. When I finally spotted Jude, she was clutching the bouquet in her left hand and looking at me fiercly with tears in her eyes. I saw Derek approach her then ask her something. She nodded slowly, never taking her eyes off of me. Derek looked at me then and broke out into a smile. He waved at me quicly and I waved back. BUt more to Jude then to him. After everyone else had waved back, making the innocent mistake of thinking I had been waving to them, Jude's right hand lifted into the wind and turned in a fast motion. I studied it for a second, realizing she was waving good bye to me. Then, when I felt tears prick at my eyes, I climbed into the limo and shut the door. As we pulled off, I watched her until she dissappeared from my sight. And in my heart, I saw her waving back at me brokenly.

Jude's POV:

I watched Portia climb into the back of the stretch limo, waiting for Tommy to be seated beside her as her husband. Instead before he stepped inside, He turned around and looked at the crowd. His beautiful eyes finally rested on me. At that moment, Derek one of Tommy's new friends from Montana approached me. He studied me for a moment, taking in the tears in my eyes and my shaking left hand and my quivering chin. Then he asked me something I hoped no one would ask me.

"You love him, don't you?" He said, tenderness evident in his deep voice. He was a goodlooking man, but right now I had eyes only for Tommy. I nodded, unable to speak through my heartbrake and surprise. Was I that obvious?

"Yeah, I figured as much. But by the way he was holding you while you guys were dancing and the way he looked at you during the actual wedding, I'd say he loves you too." He said. He followed my gaze and looked at Tommy. His features broke with a smile as he waved at Tommy. Tommy waved back, but by this time he was looking right back at me. When the crowd had stopped waving at him, I raised my free hand and waved slightly. Then, he collapsed into the limo and shut the door. As the driver started to drive way I watched the limo in fascination. I still couldn't believe that in twelve hours all my dreams, all my hopes of a future with him were washed away.

"Hey, I can tell your pretty upset about all this shit...so here's my number. If you ever want to talk about it, I'm all ears. Anytime." he said with a kind smile. Maybe I'd take him up on that sometime.

"Thanks Derek." I told him as my eyes searched the crowd for Sadie. She was standing next to Kwest yet looking at me. I said my good byes to Derek and walked over to her. It was time to go to the hotel and sleep then in less then ten hours, we had a plane to catch. And by this time tomorrow, I'd be at work again.

With Tommy.  
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Hey ya'll! What'd ya think? Let me know! Thanks for the reviews for last chapter! Can we try 47 reviews? Thanks again to Angel422 for everything! This was possible with only your help! LUV to you and everone reading this story! Blondenhot

Lots of love to all those who reviewed the previous chapters and glad that you are tuning in. Keep checking in. What happens when the wedding's over and it's time to return to the studio? Hugs and LUV to all. Blondenhot and Angel422 


	10. While You Loved Me

**While I Loved You**

**By:Blondenhotand Angel422**

**Thanks to all our reviewers! Let us know what you think!**

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Jude's POV:

The next few hours were hell...it hurt to sit in that hotel room while Sadie and Kwest went to the pool to swim. All I could do was wonder whatTommy and Portiawere doing and if Tommy was thinking of me. I was crying of course and I had soaked the pillows with tears that I shouldn't have been crying. As soon as we had gotten to the cab and Sadie put herhand on mine, the tears first came. I just couldn't handle it...I shouldn't have gone to the wedding in the first place-it's like Tommy said. I didn't have to stay. But I did- I suffered because I had to see the wedding. I had to see Tom get married to her-to someone other me.

I had to die all over again.

I climbed out of bed, rolling lazily out of it like I was sick. I made my way over to my bag and dug in the thing. I grabbed my notebook and a pencil. I had another song.

_"If I ever write the story of my life_

_**Don't be surprised if you're where it begins**_

_**Boy, I'd have to dedicate every line on every page**_

_**To the memories we made, while you loved me**_

_**I was born the day you kissed me**_

_**And I died inside the night you left me**_

_**But I lived, oh I how I lived**_

_**(I lived) While you loved me**_

_**I'd start with chapter one, love innocent and young **_

_**As the morning sun on a new day**_

_**Even though I know the end, I'd do it all again**_

_**'Cause I got a lifetime in while you loved me**_

_**I was born the day you kissed me**_

_**And I died inside the night you left me**_

_**But I lived, oh how I lived**_

_**(I lived) While you loved me**_

_**I was born the day you kissed me**_

_**And I died inside the night you left me**_

_**But I lived oh how I lived...I lived**_

_**I was born the day you kissed me**_

_**And I died inside the night you left me**_

_**But I lived oh how I lived...I lived**_

_**While you loved me."**_

It was true. I had never been more alive than when we were together...I never would be.

He had some sort of power over me-it was like I was his puppet- he could do with me as he liked and I wouldn't do anything to stop it. That day, my sixteenth birthday, had been the first day I woke up. Yeah I had thought I had been happy. I was wrong. Happy for me was riding in his viper with him on a hot day with the windows down. Happy was us working on a song together. Estatic was kissing him.

And now, unless God wants to have mercy on me, I doubt I'll ever have the chance to do that again.

And that's why I died.

At that moment, Sadie and Kwest came bursting in the door laughing and smiling. When they saw me sitting there, they just stopped. Didn't move, didnt breath, didnt dare laugh. Their facial expressions were priceless...as if they had just hit a bird in the road. Despite the situation, I smiled. Sadie then looked at Kwest's face and cracked up. Then Kwest let out a nervous chuckle. Then, we were all rolling around on the ground holding our sides and wiping our eyes. When we finally recovered, we had to get going. We had a 7:00 PM flight to catch.

Tom's POV:

We sat there quietly, waiting for them to call our plane to board. We had scheduled the 7:00 flight back to Toronto. Portia and I had talked queitly on the drive over here, while Amber was asleep. Now the little girl was all over the seats, bouncing happily.

"Daddy, I've never been to Can-a-da before!" she squeeled as I smiled at her enthusiasm and pulled her into my lap. I tickled her sides and watched as she giggled in a similar manner to what Jude does when you tickle her. God, I've got to quit thinking about her...

"You havent? So I guess you haven't heard about the ice cream shops there, have you?" I asked her, as her eyes grew wide with wonder.

" No Daddy! Tell me!" she screamed, getting excited, and causing a few heads to turn in our direction.

"Well, you have to promise me to keep this a secret." I hushed my voice to a whispering tone. "You can't tell anybody." When she ferociously nodded her head I almost laughed.

"The ice cream scooper...he always gives little girls 2 HUGE scoops when you ask for justone." I told her leaning my forehead on hers. She clapped her hands in glee.

"Really?" She asked too happy to say.

"Really." I said exaggerating the point. She jumped out of my arms and onto the seat next to me, where she got back to her bouncing happily.

I leaned my head back again, glad to finally be relaxed. But then, as I closed my eyes, I saw her face again. Saw her smiling before the wedding. Saw her eyes when I asked her to dance with me. They nearly popped out of the sockets. Saw her broken smile when she was standing by the cake and I was dancing with Portia. I saw her wave when I left. I would never forget that wave...she was really telling me good bye. She was thinking, Let me love him no more. I saw it written all over her face. She was so easy to read to me. And now I'll never get to turnanother page in the Book Of Jude Harrison again.

The Next Day:

Tommy's POV:

-  
There wasn't time for a honeymoon—just time to share one night before we had to get back to work, and I wasn't complaining about that because I wasn't sure if I wanted to be left alone with Portia that long—didn't know if I could handle it without losing my temper or walking out. I could already see a stretch of long work nights ahead of me as I avoided going home. And that's why I found myself staring up now at the studio in resignation—both in anticipation of getting back to work and wary about how it would go over.

"Planning on staring at the building until the day comes to an end?" A voice asked from behind me and I smiled. Yeah, she was one of a kind.

"Thought about it." I finally commented as Jude sidled up next to me. She hrrrummpphhed.

"That's not going to get us a Grammy anytime soon, Quincy." She commented emphasizing the 'us' and that made me feel great knowing she wanted to ride to the top with me along for the trip. I laughed. No, it wouldn't. She shrugged as I kneed her in the tush—gently pushing her toward the doorway.

"Then by all means, let's get back to work." I proclaimed as I followed her inside—making our way to the empty studio as Kwest walked by with steaming cups of coffee. Jude and I both grabbed one simultaneously as Kwest stared up at us in agitation.

"Did I say those were for you two?" Kwest asked as Jude and I shrugged before perusing Kwest silently.

"No." We answered before turning up the scalding liquid and downing it anyway. Ahhhhh, caffeine!

"You two ready to get on the ball? We have a press conference at two and an album to get under way." Darius proclaimed as he walked around the corner. He looked tired and a little harried, and I knew that Portia had probably talked to him about her worries—about our relationship. It irked me.

"We're ready." I mumbled as I shoved past everyone into the sound room. I could feel Jude's gaze on my back, and I knew she wondered why I was being so abrupt, but I couldn't help but feel crass about the idea that Portia was beginning to use the studio against me.

"Let's get to work." I stated simply as she shrugged—grabbing her guitar almost reverently, and I watched the tip of her fingers strum the strings lovingly with new alacrity. God, I really needed to start thinking about wearing baggier pants.

"So...do you have any new songs written?" I asked her, trying to settle into a more comfortable postion, knowing that this would be a long, trying day. I had figured she must have written something about me and/or the wedding since I saw her last. I was right.

"Yeah...I actually did." she began to play the first notes and sing.

_**"If** **I ever write the story of my life**_

_**Don't be surprised if you're where it begins**_

_**Boy, I'd have to dedicate every line on every page**_

_**To the memories we made, while you loved me."**_

She sang softly with her eyes closed, as if afraid to look at me. Hell, I was afraid my pants would rip the seams with one more heated look.

_**"I was born the day you kissed me**_

_**And I died inside the night you left me**_

_**But I lived, oh I how I lived**_

_**(I lived) While you loved me**_

_**I'd start with chapter one, love innocent and young **_

_**As the morning sun on a new day**_

_**Even though I know the end, I'd do it all again**_

_**'Cause I got a lifetime in while you loved me."**_

And that's when she opened her eyes. She looked straight at me, unafraid of my opinion and unaware of my discomfort. She sang, poured her heart into the words meaning for me to learn something.

_**"I was born the day you kissed me**_

_**And I died inside the night you left me**_

_**But I lived oh how I lived...I lived**_

_**While you loved me."**_

She strummed the final chord and looked at me expectantly, waiting on my response to her new song. That was about me.

"Jude..."

Jude's POV:

I watched him in fascination, as he opened his mouth to apoligize or give me some other kind of shit that I really didn't care about hearing. All I wanted was to tell him to bite the juicy part of my cho-cho and get it over with.

"Jude..."

"Ya know, Tommy, while I was at your wedding I would have killed to have heard you apoligize for leaving me...getting married even. But you wouldn't apoligize to me then and I don't want to hear your apoligies now. So- don't even start." I told him, deciding at the very last second not to tell him to-well you know. The whole cho cho thing...

"Jude..." He started once again against my wishes. I jumped up from my spot and leaned against the wall beside the couch. God, could the friggin' idiot not get a clue!

"Tommy. I don't wanna hear it! I don't want to hear an apology and I don't want to hear you say you wish you could take anything back or any of that shit! The only thing I want to hear-well the only thing I want to hear you can't say to me because of this weekend." I told him, matter-of-factly.

"Jude!" he said shoving himself out of the chair and putting an arm close to my shoulder on the wall. I looked up at him now, for the first time of the day. He was looking down at me, staring into my eyes as if we were swapping secrets again and his eyes were saying it all. In a way, they were...he kept looking at me in the eyes and then did something completely out of the blue and something I adored.

"I loved the song...and I'm sorry." he said in a whisper. Then, his head came closer to mine and it finally occired to me. He was going to kiss me! He's married and here he is about to kiss me. I wallowed in it, not objecting a bit. Portia was already intimidated by me...why not make her plain out scared as hell?

Then, Kwest walked in, with Sadie on his heels. Tommy jumped away from me, as if I was a sick dog and he was a scared little child. I managed to smile at them calmly, even though my heart was racing from the thought of what almost happened and the fact that my sister and her soon to be boyfriend had almost walked in on it.

"Um, hey guys." I said, trying to catch my breath as I looked at Tom in a "What do I do?" kind of manner. He just shrugged looking helpless.

"Hey...sorry if we were interupting anything. Darius sent us in." Sadie said with a slight smile. So they had seen what we had been about to do. I could swear that I heard Tommy curse under his breath at that. Ha!

"Oh, it was nothing. We were just talking about a new song I had written." I told her, smiling now, enjoying the effect I had on my dashing producer. When I said this, he looked at me shocked. I had finally fooled the unfoolable...he thought I didn't want to kiss him.

WRONG!

"Ok...if you insist." Sadie said, muttering the last part but loud enough Tommy and I could both hear her words. Once again, Tommy looked over at me. He stared at me, as I watched him from the corner of my eye. Men...if they weren't so damn loveable I don't think I'd have anything to do with them.

A little later, Sadie and Kwest left the room, undoubtably to go tell Darius that every thing was good and then to go get lunch. I looked at Tom then, a smile spreading sheepishly across my lips.

"Ok...lets get to work again." he said in that same simple, abrupt, andaggravating manner he had been using all morning...well almost all morning. He seemed pretty happy earlier...

Jude later in the studio…

"You look like you ate a lemon. Something wrong with the song?" I asked into the microphone quietly as Tommy sat back against the side of the soundboard—twirling a pencil throughout his fingers as he shook his head. I knew better than to trust his response so I went against my better judgment and laid aside my guitar before walking into the other room—taking a seat next to him as he threw the pencil down in front of him. I just waited for him to blow. I knew that look.

"She's going to drive me nuts!" Tommy exploded as I just shrugged my shoulders up at his expression.

"Portia?" I asked quietly as he nodded. Who else would 'she' be? I had to take a deep breath before continuing on.

"You married her Tommy." I pointed out as he shoved his hand into his other palm almost viciously—hitting it as if the pain would erase his woes— his burdening troubles.

"No, I married an idea. That's all it was—an idea. This confounded need of mine to give Amber a father because, God knows Jude, I never had one. Not really. The one I had…dammit! I keep beating myself up wondering if I might have made a mistake—if marrying Portia will hurt Amber more in the long run." Tommy replied as I just stared over at him in shock. His daughter meant that much to him. I couldn't fault him for that even if I did think he had made a mistake.

"I know you, Tom. You can make it work." I remarked quietly—comforting him despite my own pain. Love does conquer all, and I just wanted him to be happy. Tom shook his head.

"Can I? Can I make it work with Portia when I'm dreaming about someone else?" Tommy asked as I shuddered audibly. He wouldn't do this now, would he?

"Why?" I asked on a whisper as Tommy leaned in close.

"You know exactly why." He stated simply as I had a simple case of deja vu—remembering this conversation from an earlier time—a different date and location. Under different circumstances.

"Yeah." I finally answered as his finger lifted up my chin—bringing my eyes up to meet his piercing gaze as he moved in close. I could feel his breath against my lips. I shivered.

"It's like a disease, Jude." He muttered as his lips almost brushed mine gently only to be pulled back harshly as the door behind us burst open. I closed my eyes and silently counted to three. Please don't let it be.

"Portia." Tommy said slowly as he sat back down into his vacated chair heavily. Talk about the old ball and chain.  
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**Hey guys! Ok here's chapter 10...sorry it took me this long...we've all been so busy lately! But it's summer. until school, we have all the time in the world right? Plus my little brother had a friend over last night and they searched the internet for porn pictures all night. (he's 14) Anywho, thanks to everyone who reviewed our last chapter...we decided that Angel422 and I would continue co-writing together so this should be interesting! We are having so much fun...I hope ya'll like it too! Thanks for everything Angel422! Thanks to our readers and LUV!**

**Lots of love to all those who reviewed the previous chapters and glad that you are tuning in. Keep checking in. What will Portia do? Hugs and LUV to all. Blondenhot and Angel422**


	11. The Confrontation

**_The Confrontation_**

**_By:Blondenhot and Angel422_**

**_Thanks to all of the reviewers! We are asking for 65 reviews. Can we do it? Let me know what you think! Oh and I'm also having a little trouble thinking of a song for the next chapter that will fit in the mood so if you have any songs private message me! LUV!_**

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Jude...

I stared in awe at the figure advancing towards us-Portia. She looked right through me as if I were nothing more than a figment of her imagination—a fly upon the wall awaiting the retribution of her swatter. She finally stopped in front of Tommy.

"Portia, I—" He started to reply slowly, but when he saw the sudden glisten in her eyes—the way her hands rested on her hips, he stopped.

"Tommy. We'll talk later. For now, I just want to talk to Jude. Alone." She said forcefully as I shuddered visibly. She wanted to talk to me alone. God, this couldn't be good….

"Portia. Come on, be rational. Do you really have to talk to Jude alone?" Tommy asked fiercely, looking frantically between us two women as if he were nothing more than a ball being tossed between two tennis rackets. I cringed as Portia sighed. "This isn't about her, Portia." Tommy began again as Portia laughed—almost sarcastically--definitely bitterly.

"Oh, Tommy. Don't fret. I won't harm your ARTIST or anything. Just wanna talk." She said snidely as I met her gaze with an unflinching expression--willing my resolve to shine through my eyes--piercing her with the steady gaze I now used. There was nothing for me to be afraid of. The only thing that made Tommy and I both flinch was the way she pronounced, or better yet emphasized, the word 'artist.' I nodded at Tommy to let him know that speaking to Portia alone didn't bother me. Why should it? Tommy nodded back. He seemed impressed by my resilience.

"She's all yours for five minutes. But then we have to get back to work." Tommy stated simply as he looked pointedly at Portia--defeat blazing in his eyes. He pushed his chair back almost forcefully before standing in a manner that revealed his irritaion at this female show of egotism. He should consider the fact that he wasn't the only one bothered by it all.

He stopped as he brushed by me on the way out the door. "Good luck." He whispered. And then he was gone leaving me alone with Portia. Leaving me alone with Fate.

I took a deep breath as she turned toward me with an expression filled with burning possessiveness as well as tidbits of kindness and pity. The possessiveness I could understand, the kindness I could live with, but the pity I could definitely do without.

"Jude…I know you have feelings for Tommy. I understand sweetie I really do. But he's my husband now, and you can't be kissing. It's just wrong. If the tables were turned and you were married to Tommy and had his child, you wouldn't want some pretty, young girl kissing him now would you?" She asked me in a pleasant tone. Too pleasant. I felt my body freeze in place almost in the same way that boy's tongue stuck to a pole in that old movie classic 'A Christmas Story.' God,

I loved that movie. I shook my head at the random thought.

"Portia, I don't have feelings for Tommy. I love him. He's my rock, my

inspiration, my everything. He was all that and a bag of chips before you and Amber came back into the picture. And, no offense, but just because you married him, it doesn't change how I feel about him. And it won't for a long time. You can be angry at me. For that I don't blame you. You are his wife, and I am sorry you had to see us kissing." I told her while trying my best to be nice despite the situation we both now found ourselves in. Portia almost laughed as she processed what I said. I knew she had figured out what I happened to leave unsaid.

"But you're not sorry you kissed him are you?" she asked softly--almost with a hint of intimidation. I felt my features soften in a look of sympathy as I stared back at her.

"Not in the least." I finally replied with a smug smile. I hadn't meant for it to be smug. I didn't have the right to feel smug, but I did somehow.

"Goodbye Portia." I said as Tommy strolled cautiously back into the room. Our five minutes were up. She pushed past us in a hurry. Oh Boy.

Tommy's POV:

I watched as Portia scurried past me, trying to escape the complicated yet easy chapters of the story that had become mine and Jude's relationship. I looked at Jude as Portia grumbled when she walked by, and I noted the amused look etched across Jude's features—the same look she had utilized with the boy wanting to get her a drink at the wedding. Why did that look worry me now as Jude stared

after Portia Quincy—yes Quincy? It also made my blood boil.

"Jude…it's not funny." I told her almost pragmatically. She looked at me for the first time almost as if she had just realized that I was now standing in the room again.

"Oh yes. Tommy, it is. I'm surprised that you don't find this as funny as I do. Let's recap shall we?" she said before pausing a second to examine the reaction

on my face.

"I don't—"I began. We couldn't do this now….Not here.

"That's what I thought. You don't want to hear it now or here right? Well that's tough. Just tough." She spat at me roughly--losing control of her temper. Oh that temper! She continued,

" Ok, so first. You kissed me a couple of months ago. Everything was good. You didn't even ask me to forget it ever happened. I was ecstatic! Then we planned a date. Our first date. Me and Tommy Q. ON A DATE. I thought I was gonna die from pure exhilaration. But when I did die, it was from a completely different reason. My happiness was short lived, Tom. You left. I had no answers. All I knew was that you were gone, and I was lost without you. Utterly and pathetically lost. And then, like three months after you left, you call me. Tell

me that you have a little girl. I told you that I loved you. Big mistake, yet so true." She whispered, her resolve breaking. She burst into tears involuntarily.

I wanted to touch her—to make myself feel less like the jerk I knew I was, but she backed away from me. I think my touch would have done her in.

"You see this Tom? This is what you do to me. This is the effect you have on me. How am I supposed to be happy when all I ever think about is you and all I ever do when I think of you is cry? Love isn't about crying. Can you answer that? Can you tell me how I'm supposed be able to live with the fact that I love you even now when you're married to Portia? Tell me Tom! Can you?" Jude cried out sourly.

I stared at her, taken aback by the raw emotion escaping though her tone. It hurt me to see her like this, knowing that I'm the cause. I really am some sort of a monster…I had to get out of there. NOW.

"Jude…go home and get some rest. It's been a long day. I have to get home and talk to Portia." I said on a sigh as Jude sank back into her chair with a bitter laugh. Fresh tears were cascading down her cheeks as I made my way toward the door.

"Yes, of course. Because you run from everything that's not dandy in your life." Jude exclaimed as I stopped suddenly while facing the closed door, my back still to her. I was fighting tears.

"Especially me. I'm like the monster from under the bed and you're the small child that runs away hiding underneath the sheets as if the cotton is some glorified shield. Who does that make the immature one, Tom? I hate you, Quincy. Right now, I wish you were gone—out of my life forever. Maybe I wouldn't cry as much." Jude muttered as I spun around, unable to believe that Jude could be saying this to me. Had I pushed her that far? I fought back my own tears as she stared at the broken expression on my face, and I looked at her for a moment in disgust and unpleasant surprise before wiping any moisture away and turning back

toward the door. Her sudden gasp stopped me again, and I clutched at the knob as she took a deep breath.

"That's it, isn't it? I wonder if you even realize how messed up you are Tommy because I cringe as I watch you treat Portia like nothing more than an old, distant friend. And don't tell me that you married Portia for Amber's sake. No. Oh my God! It was that simple wasn't it? Portia was your excuse. Why didn't I see it until now? You married her to keep you from being tempted by me. Did you seriously have to go to such lengths? What's a better defense mechanism than a wife right. She would always be your ultimate excuse from now on to just tell me

to forget little kisses and shared moments. Well, you want to use her as a shield, Tommy? Because I'll let you do just that." Jude proclaimed insistently as I felt my back stiffen with disbelief before pushing through the door and slamming it behind me for emphasis.

This was one hell of a homecoming.

It was also one hell of a revelation.

_**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**_

_**Okay, so what do yo think? Smiles, hugs, and LUV!**_

_**We'll update as soon as we can! Blondenhot has dance camp on Wednesday and I won't be back til Monday sometime but I'll up date whenever I can! LUV! Can we try 65 reviews since it will be so long until I can up date? Let me know what you think! Oh, and I just started a new fic ( You and I) so check it out too! It's a Jommy! Gotta love them together! **_

_**Blondenhot and Angel422 **_


	12. Over You

Over You

By:Blondenhot and Angel422

Jude POV

I watched as Tommy left the studio after our disagreement, and I had to rub my temples to keep the headache that threatened me at bay. I was so obsessed with getting him to feel what I was feeling, my pain to become his pain. But instead I got a confession that hurt me worse than it did him. He had married Portia to try and forget about me. Hmmm... I should feel flattered by that right? Or at least maybe a little less hurt by the whole situation, but I wasn't. How could I deal with the tension between us now that I realized fully that he really did love me that much--really did feel this inexplicable need to hide from those feelings? Why couldn't he just be honest with himself? My words to him kept ringing eerily throughout my head. "I hate you right now, Tom Quincy." Ugh! How I both stood behind and regretted those words simultaneously. I rammed my foot into the side of the soundboard just as my cell phone rang, and I closed my eyes briefly to collect my patience as I reached for the device only to cringe when I noticed the name on display. I flipped it open.

"Are you determined just to keep arguing until we're both past the literal point of exhaustion?" I asked him mildly as Tommy sighed from the other end. I could hear him closing his car door, and I realized he must have just arrived at his home.

"So glad you look forward to my calls, Harrison." Tommy stated sardonically as I shrugged into the empty room. What? Did he want me to squall and start pleading with him to forgive me for earlier comments? Yeah right (statement followed by bitter laugh). Tom sighed again.

"I didn't call to argue, Jude. I called to tell you that you were right"  
Tommy commented as I felt my jaw practically fall to the studio floor with a thud. Had I just heard him right? I coughed.

"You know I should feel giddy right now over the fact that you just admitted you were wrong about something, but I'm having a difficult enough time trying to figure out which one of our arguments you think I'm right about." I stated evenly as my fingers gripped the phone almost desperately. God, I just needed to hang up now. Tom laughed at my incredulity before letting his tone slip into solemn mode once again.

"About using Portia as a way to hide behind my feelings. Maybe I have done that, Jude. Maybe I thought it was better for us both. You're still young. What happens if you and I got together and then you found another guy just as charming and you fell in love? I've had that chance in my life,had those young, carefree days to find love and then discard it." Tommy muttered as I just sat there listening to the way his voice lowered. It made me shiver.

"You're not that old, Tommy. And I'm not that carefree teenager that lets my eyes over rule my heart. What if I'm not in love with your looks or with your charm? What if it's more than that? Have you ever thought about that? Ever considered the possibility? Oh, here's a thought. Why didn't you just ask?" I remarked caustically as Tommy coughed. I knew I had gotten to him,knew that my honesty was humbling at best. I heard him bang his hand onto the steering wheel hard enough that I could hear him. Whether that was intentional or not, I'm not sure.

"What are you saying, Jude?" Tom asked as I shook my head at the phone.

"What do you think I'm saying, Tommy?" I asked in return as he grew quiet instantly. I stroked the back of my phone as if it were the skin of Tommy's cheek. How I hated cold technology sometimes.

"Funny how it's easier for us to be so much more honest with each other now that you're married." I replied suddenly as Tommy shifted uneasily from the other end.

"Yeah." He finally answered. .

"Jude...damn, it's funny how being married makes me want you more." He said suddenly before his line went dead, and I knew he had hung up just so I wouldn't respond to the remark. My whole body went numb. What? Oh God, these feelings were going to kill us both.

Tom's POV:

I stood there, inside the viper, cradling my phone in my left hand for what seemed like an eternity. I couldn't believe I had just told her that...what was I doing? This is crazy! To think that only 12 days ago, I had gotten married.

What is this, some cruel mind game? Is this the way it's gonna be from now on? All because I got married to a woman I didn't love while working with the woman I do? Do I seriously have to live with this shit for the rest of my life? Maybe Jude was right...I shouldn't be around anymore. God, Tommy...what a thought...

I groaned loudly, dissapointed in myself for even thinking that. I had a daughter and a wife to think about now. I had a new life--a whole new chance to start over again, learn from my many mistakes. I spun around angrily and thrust the door open before plopping down into the seat and slamming my palm onto the steering wheel for the second time in less than an hour.

I pulled out of the G Major parking lot in a hurry, trying to escape my downfall, the death of me, my devil, and my angel. Jude.

I watched as the yellow and white stripes passed behind me in a hurry, as I took the scenic and empty route home. I was the only car on this road out in the middle of what seemed like nowhere. I sped down the right lane, trying to leave my anger far behind me.

Then suddenly, I felt something pop underneath me on my side, the driver side. The unmistakable sound of metal on concrete burned through my ears as I lost control of the steering wheel. It jerked itself out of my grip as I tried my hardest to pull it back under control once again. When it didn't work and stayed in the same locked postion, I gave up and fastened my seat belt--watching in horror as my viper veered off the road and into an empty field heading straight, as if by fate, towards a lone oak tree.

I attempted once more to turn the steering wheel but it didn't work in my favor. For the first time in a long time, I prayed to God. But not for the reason that you think-- not for my safety, not by a long shot.

No, I prayed that I got to see Jude and Amber one more time and that if I leave they will be able to move on eventually. And that they both will always know that I loved them with everything I have.

You know what they say--be careful what you wish for.

Then everything went black.

Jude's POV:

By the time I made it home, at the end of the day, my cheeks were a dark red color, stained from my tears and swollen from the incessant crying. My eyes were severely bloodshot from spilling over with tears. And I was mentally bruised from the arguments I kept having with myself over telling him that I hatred him. I went straight to my room and closed the door ignoring Sadie's questions about what had happened. She got home around the same time I did. I locked myself in my room with my guitar and started strumming intently. I came up with a couple of words before it all came to me.  
" It hurts to see you

strolling down the hallway for a morning coffee.

It hurts to look at you

And try to hide my tears.

It's hard to break through

the spell you put on me.

Baby let go of the string you're pulling on

Cause I need to be free...

You're chokin me and I can't breathe.  
The thought of you

Tears me to pieces.  
And I can't wait a long, long time

I gotta move on with my life.  
And get, get over you.

It's like a game of pinball

you can't seem to make up your mind.  
You're back and forth from me to her

Can't you decide?

You are killing me

with every confession you make.  
And I fall each time, harder and harder, baby

Stop this please before I break.

You're chokin me and I can't breathe.  
The thought of you

Tears me to pieces.  
And I can't wait a long, long time

I gotta move on with my life.  
And get, get over you.

So here's my heart,  
shattered in two.  
I can't help

but still love you.

You're chokin me and I can't breathe.  
The thought of you

Tears me to pieces.  
And I can't wait a long, long time

I gotta move on with my life.  
And get, get over you.

Oooh... gotta get over you"

I finished writing the words down as I sat my guitar beside me. Than I crawled into bed, and cried some more.

About an half hour later, my cell phone rang. The screen lit up and said," Portia Quincy." I nearly stopped breathing. I slowly pushed the talk button.

"Hello?" I said hesitantly. Why would she be calling me?

"Jude?" Portia asked, her voice jumping out at me from the other end of the phone. It was shaking as if she had been heavily crying.

"Yes?" I said already annoyed, and ready for this call to be over. I was standing on my tip toes. ( in a figure of speech kinda way seeing as how I was in bed.)

"Jude...It's about Tommy." she said in a doomed voice as I went numb from head to toe. Have you ever had this 'heart falls through the bottom of the floor' feeling before where the thought of walking makes your muscles cringe only because each time you take a step forward you feel as if the heart once in your chest is now stuck to the bottom of your shoe. Well, I was suddenly having one of those moments. My bed felt too hot all of a sudden as I shoved the blankets draped over me off onto the floor unceremoniously.

"What about Tommy?" I asked Portia slowly as she sighed from the other end--her voice quavering only slightly as I heard what sounded like a name being called over an intercom in the background. Was she at a hospital? Oh God!

"He's been in an accident, Jude." Portia explained as my chest tightened--being crushed under a force that simulated one of those old, ancient torture devices they used on heretics and accused witches. I was already up and throwng on clothes as I gripped the phone tighter.

"How bad is it, Portia?" I asked her firmly--skipping over the obvious question of how it had happened and when. Right now I just needed to know that he was okay. She sighed again.

"We just don't know." Portia answered honestly. "He was wearing a seat belt and his air bag deployed so he doesn't seem to be seriously injured, but he keeps fading in and out of consciousness and that worries the doctors." Portia finished as I sat down heavily on the edge of my bed--staring at the floor as if the carpet there was some form of metaphysical comfort. Yeah right. A thought suddenly entered my head, and I took a deep breath.

"Why are you calling me, Portia?" I asked her slowly as I heard her grumble something incomprehensible before clearing her throat as if in some sort of discomfort.

"Because everytime he wakes up, he keeps asking for you." Portia replied as my heart skipped a beat. He was asking for me? Did he even realize that he was doing that? Portia cleared her throat again.

"The doctors seem to think that if the patient hears those he loves surrounding him that it will help with his recovery. He keeps asking for you in a panicked voice as if he's afraid he won't be able to say goodbye. It was finally suggested to me by his nurse that I should probably call. I'm not exactly happy about the whole thing, Jude." She remarked simply as I flinched. He needed me. At this point, I could care less what Portia Quincy thought--could care less if it made her happy.

"I'll be there in an instant." I muttered as I disconnected the phone--not even bothering with the formailities of saying farewell. He needed me.

Tommy's POV

The world kept going black and then returning back to light as I tried to focus--tried to keep my thoughts trained enough towards the conscious moments allowed me. Damn, but my head hurt and my whole body felt like it was on fire.

"Jude?" I whispered into the darkness--wondering as I did if anyone could hear me--if this strange world of pain was noticable to anyone but me.

"Jude?" I asked again as I struggled toward the light. A voice broke through my barriers.

"She's coming, Tom. Why can't you be satisfied with me?" A hurt voice asked as I tried desperately to figure out who the person was and why they would ask such a question. Portia? Was that Portia? Where was I?

"Jude?" I asked a third time as the darkness was suddenly broken by a mild crashing noise. If I had been fully aware of what was going on, the sound would have startled me.

"God dammit, Tom, please quit asking for her." The voice said again as pain engulfed me. I was not going to let myself feel guilty for needing 'her.' A door opened somewhere in the distance.

"I'm here." Her voice said quietly and I sighed. It was Jude--that wonderful voice that could lead me back towards the light. Why, then, did my body feel heavier all of a sudden, as if I couldn't breathe.

"I'm right here." jude said again as I struggled to overcome the pain.

Ok guys...heres my new chapter...I'm kinda disappointed in ya'll! I didnt get alot of reviews for my last chapter bur thanks to everyone who did leave me one. For this chapter I want to make it to** 65** reviews if u dont mind. Oh and tell me what you think about the song...good or bad? Luv!


	13. Don't Make Me Live Without You

Don't make Me Live Without You

By: Blondenhot and Angel422

Jude…

"Come on, Tommy." I whispered ferociously, desperately, as I reached resolutely for Tommy's limp hand as it dangled over the side of the hospital bed attached to wires and beeping odd-looking machines. It frightened me. I could hear Portia grumbling in irate unease as I pulled his palm up to my cheek, but at this point, the only thing I cared about was connecting to him—getting Tom to feel my need for his presence—the need for his recovery, and so I rubbed my skin against his palm affectionately, willing him to open his beautiful blue spheres and send sparks through me-just from the simple pleasure of connecting eyes with such a beautiful, such an amazing man one more time. I could hear through the cracked door a song playing softly from the waiting room right down the hall.

_Live without you_

**_"I don't know what I would do_**

**_If you ever left me, If I ever lost you_**

**_This heart of mine would be dying_**

**_Shadows would shine out the sun_**

**_It would be a whole dark world_**

**_Without your love beside me"_**

**_  
_**"Come back to me dammit!" I whispered almost harshly into the room as my fingers tightened almost unconsciously around his. Portia grumbled again as I leaned forward and laid my forehead firmly against his. His skin was so cold—clammy to the touch as if he were fighting an internal battle to make it out of his own skin alive. The first tear fell—gliding down from the edge of my eye before winding its way with determined care down the side of my face before dropping slowly onto Tom's own cheek. I just watched it as it fell—thinking almost mildly how poetic it seemed to me—like one of those movies where the tears of love are like magic—where, if the person cared enough, the drops became like an elixir of life. I cared enough dammit!

Tommy…

There was pain as I shivered with a coldness that I had already figured out emanated from within my own skin—like a prison cell that I couldn't break out of. Her voice was goading me—making my head spin as my body fought against its charm—its silky presence.

"I'm trying Jude." I tried calling out—realizing that as I did, it was nothing more than my heart speaking. My mind refused to listen to its command. My pulse jumped as I felt her skin wrap around mine—injecting warmth into my body as she lifted up the hand that I had long ago discovered was useless to me. God, Jude! I could hear Portia in the distance grumbling in a mix between anger and maybe even a little sadness. I wanted to tell her to leave—that I was allowed to love Jude only because Jude had never lied about her feelings for me—had never used any alternative methods to try and get me to love her. I was the one who had always lied—who had always avoided the obvious. Something wet fell onto my cheek, and I realized that Jude was crying—that her tears were becoming the tears that I couldn't shed. My body rebelled as I tried calling out to her desperately. I had always hated to see Jude cry...just the thought of her porcelain cheeks red with hot tears seared my heart something painful.

"Just move dammit!" My brain yelled at my nerve endings. Please, just let me move, God. Anything to let Jude know that I was still here with her--still fighting...for both of our sakes. My skin burned as a signal finally made it from my brain to my hand.Wait...have I finally lost it or did my fingers just move?

Jude…

I leaned over him stealthily—letting more tears fall as I clutched his fingers tighter in a grip that I realized rather blatantly may be too hard so I loosened it slightly. A nurse came through the door behind me and I sighed. I couldn't stand the idea of them making me leave, but I wasn't family. Portia was. The nurse stopped.

"Ms. Harrison…" She began as I shook my head.

_**"And how do I survive**_

_**If I don't have you here**_

_**Here in my life **_

Make me walk across, across the burning sands

_**Make me hold the whole weight of the world in my hands**_

_**Baby don't, don't, don't make me live without you**_

_**And I'd never make it**_

_**Don't, don't, don't make me live without you**_

_**Live without you"  
**_

"I know." I mumbled as I started to let go of Tommy's hand only to feel it tighten suddenly around mine, using me as an anchor...his own unconcious way of telling me not to go. I almost screamed as I looked down at it. Oh my God! The nurse started to speak again, but I ignored her this time.

"He moved….oh my God….he moved!" I cried out as I lifted up my hand for the nurse to see. His hand tightened again. Oh, Tommy! I get your message. I really do. The nurse shook her head slightly—sadly, as if I was imagining things like the little boy from 'The Sixth Sense'. Shit, woman! I'm not saying I see dead people...I know I felt his grip tighten as I went to move! It may not be a far drive for me to reach insanity but I'm not there yet!

"Sometimes the body moves involuntarily…" The nurse began again as a sudden groan from the bed made us all gasp. Involuntary, my ass. He was waking up. He had to be.

"Tommy!" I cried out loudly this time as I leaned over him again. Portia hurried to his other side not to be beat out by me in this emotional ping-pong game we seemed to have going on. Tom groaned again, louder this time, as the nurse pressed a button calling for a doctor.

"Tom?" I said in a lower tone this time as his eyes opened slowly before his head fell to the side on the pillow. I could see the blankness in his stare and it scared me the living daylights out of me. He had looked right at me...but it looked like he hadn't seen me at all.

"Tommy?" I asked again—persistently. I wasn't going to let the darkness claim him again. If only I knew how dark it really was for him. Tom peered up in the direction of my voice once again as I squeezed his hand on my own this time. Suddenly he moaned.

"Are my eyes open?" He asked suddenly in a raspy tone denoting that his voice hadn't been used in awhile—that his throat was possibly raw from not enough use. Lord knows, my voice has never sounded like that.I cringed as my body grew numb with trepidation.

"They're open." I confirmed haltingly as he closed them suddenly before blinking and opening them again. I knew what he was going to say even before he did. I knew when he reached up and gropped for my hand that I had dropped in surprise a few seconds earlier.

"Jude...I can't see."

A Little Later…

Jude…

"These kinds of reactions are not abnormal." Tommy's doctor stated mildly as we all stared at him in shock with the exception of Tommy who was now looking blankly out into the room as if his life was dissolving into a thick mist around him. I wasn't going to let him get discouraged! I just wasn't...I couldn't.

"What do you mean these reactions are not abnormal?" I asked quickly—feeling like the blonde I now was, but the fact was that doctors never spoke English. We knew they had gone to college—we knew that they had to have a pretty high IQ in order to make it through medical school. So why, then, did they always seem to feel this need to spout obscure knowledge to us as if we were supposed to immediately understand what they were saying. If they wanted us to understand they could have just used english. Yeah right. The doctor shook his head.

"He had an aneurysm—a slight blood clot near his brain. We managed to avoid any serious damage in the lobes, but there was swelling. It has managed to push against the optic nerve—has caused damage. I'm not sure if the damage is permanent or just the result of temporary swelling around those nerves. We'll know if he ever regains his sight." The doctor explained slowly as if I were Tom Hanks in that movie Forrest Gump. I almost rolled my eyes at him as I glanced over at Tommy, watching as he ran his hands over his eyes and down his cheeks as if he hoped that he would be able to rub away the blindness that we had no clue would be temporary or not.

"So there's the chance that he will regain his vision?" I asked slowly as I let the hope emanate throughout my system like a set of fireworks. Hope I could live with. The doctor nodded, slowly with a "Duh!" look plastered across his face. Alright, we could do this then. We could work through the blindness for now. Portia had grown awfully quiet behind me, whether she was afraid to say anything or she didn't care was beyond my knowledge. The nurse stepped up to stand beside the doctor.

"We can show you how to teach him to exist with his blindness—there's a class you can take here at the hospital for family members who need to learn how to work with the blind. He'll be learning here as well. That way when you return home, you can work together to learn to navigate through life. Blindness is not that big of an obstacle anymore. He could function just fine—even in the job he does now." The nurse explained reassuringly as I smiled over at her. I was beginning to like this woman, and I was certainly willing to take the class with Tom. Portia still remained silent. Where was her support. I shrugged.

_**"Make me walk across, across the burning sands**_

_**Make me hold the whole weight of the world in my hands**_

_**Baby don't, don't, don't make me live without you**_

_**make it trough the day, make it trough the night.**_

_**Without the one that I need in my life. **_

_**Don't, don't; don't make me live without you**_

_**live without you**_

_**live without you"**  
_

"I'll take the class." I stated boldly as I looked over at Tom. He smiled, and I smiled too. It was the first time I had seen him grin since he woke up. That was a good sign right?

"We can do this." I assured him as I reached out and squeezed his hand—watching as he nodded. I knew we could. After everything we had been through in the past...there was no way I would let him go through this with just Portia. Speaking of the devil...why was Portia being so quiet, in her own little corner of the hospital room as if she was sitting on a bench on a sunny day in the park? She was his wife...why was I acting more worried about him than she was?

**_"I need you here in my arms_**

**_As long as I live_**

**_As long as I breathe_**

**_I need you here_**

**_beside me_**

****

Make me walk across, across the burning sands

**_Make me hold the whole weight of the world in my hands_**

**_Baby don't, don't, don't make live without you"_**

The when everything had gone awfully silent, Portia said something. " Tommy.We've been married for what...13 days? I don't know...can we handle this? " she asked as I stared at her in amazement. Was she saying what I think she was saying?

(to be continued)

Hey guys! Here's our next chapter...I love the reviews I got last time! I got the most I have ever had for one chapter! Can we make it to 83 reviews before my next update? Or maybe 85 if u really love us... : ) Thanks for everything! LUV!

Blondenhot and Angel422


	14. All My Love

**All My Love**

**By Blondenhot and Angel422**

Tommy POV…

I heard the tone that Portia used when she spoke to me, and I knew from its inflection that she had stepped back from the situation she now found herself in, considered it, and then threw the thought away like it was yesterday's garbage. It hurt—really it did, but I knew Portia and she needed people in her life to be strong for her, not the other way around. She wasn't good at the support thing—at being a foundation for someone else to lean on. My head swam, and I blinked several times against the darkness that now engulfed me. It just felt strange knowing that my eyes were open but that there was nothing there for me to see. No images, no color…nothing. I felt someone sit down on the bed beside me, and I realized from the scent that wafted towards my nose that it was Jude. My Jude.

"We can do this." She stated quietly as I groped for her hand—almost groaning in frustration until she reached out and took my hand in hers to still it—to let me know that I didn't have to reach for her. She was willing to meet me half way. I smiled in the direction her voice had come from.

"I know we can." I whispered back as she leaned over me then and kissed me on the cheek. The gesture was such a small one, but meaningful nonetheless. She sighed as footsteps approached us both from the side.

"He's going to be fine. All other tests came out normal." The doctor said firmly as my hand tightened on Jude's . It was good to know that my vision was the only thing that seemed to have abandoned me. Jude moved slightly as the doctor shifted.

"We're ready to discharge him. There's nothing more we can do except wait to see how his vision progresses." The doctor stated as Jude moved—I am assuming by nodding her head. And then all got quiet. Portia had left a little earlier, and I knew that she wouldn't like the idea of me staying with her right now. As Portia had put it, "Seeing you this way will scare Amber. I'm sure you understand." Yeah, I understood.

"Do you still have your apartment?" Jude asked me quietly as I nodded. Yeah, I still had the penthouse—having kept it because subconsciously I had known I guess that mine and Portia's relationship wasn't that steadfast—wasn't strong to begin with. Or maybe I kept it…no, that would not be the right thing to think about right now.

"Then let's get your stuff together." Jude stated brightly as she stood up and began gathering things that people had sent me, as well as the over night clothes she had brought to the hospital in case I had needed to stay longer. Her thoughtfulness touched me in so many ways. I just hoped that my blindness wouldn't become a problem. It had me depressed. It had me downright scared.

Jude's POV:

Several hours and not that much conversation later, Tommy and I had successfully moved all his stuff into the apartment with no hassles. All of his important stuff was still in the penthouse, along with some other crap that he had owned for 12 years. Ha, what a boy.

We were now sitting on his black leather couch, exhausted from hauling in his stuff. I was staring at him, watching as he moved his head from side to side with a pained expression.

" You have no idea how much it sucks to have been gone for so long from your home and to have missed it terribly and then to finally be back and not be able to see a thing." he said, shutting pale lids over a pair of blank blue orbs. His eyes haunted me now...they had once been the eyes that helped me through things, that I melted into. Now it was like a piece of glass had been slid inbetween him and reality and I couldn't see a thing.

Tom, my rock, the man who in my eyes was fearless, was scared out of his mind. Terrified that this- a vast black darkness-was all he would ever see again. He was almost willing to give up...to not even hope of a brighter tomorrow.

And hell, That scared me.

"I know, Tom. I'm so sorry this has happened to you." I said as my eyes filled with tears and my voice cracked. Unwillingly, I let out a tiny whimper and because his hearing had improved with the loss of his sight, his head swivelled in my direction in less than one beat.

"Aw, Jude. Don't cry." he said, his voice soft yet forceful. He was making it clear that he wasn't goin to have me cryin over him. Not now, not anytime soon. He didn't want my pity.

" I can't help it! I'm s-s-sorry..." I moaned, for the first time since he had woken up I broke down. A random hiccup came out every once in a while. Tommy slowly gathered my in his arms and rocked me gently as I fell apart-- literally shattering right there in his arms. As I murmured incoherently into his shoulder, he would occasionally nod in understanding. He was so good--so good at knowing what to do when I needed him.

"It hurt to see you laying there like that...i-i-it felt as if i was someone else--someone completely different. Somebody who was.  
broken..." I murmered picking my head up off his shoulder and gazing into his eyes. The eyes that were so warm usually, were blank now. Even though he couldn't see what I waS doing, I knew he felt exactly what I felt. It was strange...we connected like that-- kind of like in Titanic when Jack tells Rose, "You jump, I jump." We were in that deep, knew each other that well. For once in a long time, his face displayed his every emotion. It seems like his devil may care attitude had come back and bit him in the big ol'ass.

"Jude. About what happened earlier with Portia. It wasn't your fault. Portia and I... we just aren't right." he said, his infamous smirk playing softly against his lips remembering the last time he told me that when he and Sadie had broken up. Talk about deja-vu. I gasped involentarily, even though I wasn't really surprised from the easy way he had mentioned the kind of fond memory and the enormity of what he was saying.

"I dont...understand..." I sputtered out, completely understanding yet yearning to hear what he was trying to tell me. He opened his mouth then closed it again. As if he was searching for the right words. The next time he opened his mouth he told me just the right thing.

" Jude. You understand better than anyone I know. That's the thing. THAT'S why I can't sleep at night. THAT'S why when I was lying there unconciuous, fighting for the chance to wake up again, that I kept calling for you, Screaming your name until you were there beside me holding my hand. You, Jude. I can't stop thinking about YOU. I l--" he shook his head then, deciding against saying what he had started to say, as if he was scared of my reaction.

"Aw, dare I say, Tom, that you are going soft on me!" I said teasingly, releasing the tension from the room as if I had popped a giant balloon. His face relaxed from its stiff position as he chuckled in amuzement--and gratefulness. He smiled at me and I smiled back even though I knew he couldn't see it. We both let out a quiet laugh and leaned back to listen to another show. And as I asked him which show he wanted, he smiled at me through his blind stupor and I couldn't help but think about how much I love him...and how much I always would. I smiled back as I flipped through the channels happy as a lark and waited for a new day. Because no matter what God threw at us we could handle it. We were a team. We always would be.

Whether Portia was in the picture or not.

Tommy's POV:

The world went on spinning even though I couldn't see which direction it was turning to. Portia went on ignoing me, pretending this wasn't happening as the months drug on. She also deprived me of Amber-- still used the same excuse of "It would scare her" everytime I asked. She was my daughter gosh dammit and I had the right to see her if I wanted. But Portia said no and for now--because I was still exhausted from the wreck and to tired to fight with her--I let her step all over me at her own degree. Then there was Jude.

Beautiful, wonderful Jude. She had barely left my side since I had awoken. She even slept over most nights, making her neat little spot on the couch where she parked her hiney every night. I offered to give her the bed but she insisted I sleep on it. Hell, I even offered to share the bed with her. And even though I heard the hitch in her voice which indicated she wanted to share with me, she said no, she couldn't do that. Her mother would have an anuerism. Ha. That the couch suited her just fine. Pfft. If I wasn't as blind as an old coot, I would've pursued her more, insisting that she just had to in case I needed some extra help in the middle of the night.

But for now she was ny nurse, and I was her patient. She was my everything, I depended on her being there everyday to help me. It wasnt't bad being blind, it was worth getting to see her all the time. It almost made it hurt worse.

But it still sucked.

Tonight was just like any other night this week. We watched and listened to a TV show, argued over a new band, ordered take out, and went to sleep. I thanked her for everything she was doing for me, we hugged and she gave me a small peck on the cheek. Then we parted ways. About midnight, I turned my lights off and layed down. I thought about the past month-- how so much had changed. NO later that 15 minutes later, I heard a faint strumming and Jude's soft voice drift up to me, despite her best efforts to be quiet.I climbed out of bed and made my way to the staircase where I paused. I could make out the words clearly. They were about me.

_**"I'll always remember**_

_**When you were lost in the rain**_

_**I knew that moment, my whole life had changed**_

_**You told me a couple nights ago to forgive you**_

_**From all the pain you'd caused me**_

_**I knew that moment, we will never part**_

_**I can give you everything you need**_

_**If you only say you'll stay with me**_

_**All my love, is what I wanna give you**_

_**Everyday, everyday I love you**_

_**I'll be there, to lift you just a little higher**_

_**Fill your spirit with desire, all my love**_

_**Is what I wanna give you**_

_**Everyday, everyday I love you**_

_**I'll be there to take you just a little higher**_

_**until you're buring with desire, all my love**_

_**It's never ending**_

_**That flame that grows inside**_

_**We're starting something, when our hearts collide**_

_**I can give you everything you want**_

_**If you only say you'll be the one**_

_**All my love, is what I wanna give you**_

_**Everyday, everyday I love you**_

_**I'll be there, to lift you just a little higher**_

_**Fill your spirit with desire, all my love**_

_**Is what I wanna give you**_

_**Everyday, everyday I love you**_

_**I'll be there to take you just a little higher**_

_**until you're buring with desire, all my love**_

_**I can give you everything you need**_

_**If you only say you'll stay with me..."**_

As the song finished, I felt my way down the stairs, trying to be quiet enough to not disturb her. I gripped the rail tightly. I got to the last step without making any noise and then the last step made a loud obnoxious creaking noise. Jude's head popped up in surprise, reminding me of the wedding when it did the exact same thing. She stood up then, in one bouncing movement.

"Tommy!" she said in a shocked voice. She stalked over to me than--I could hear the pitter-patter of her feet as she made three swift movements she was standing in front of me, her chest and my chest touching as I felt my pants tighten once again. And then, when I was about to apoligize to her, she did something we never expected she would do.

She kissed me.

Hey guys! SOOO sorry about how long it took me to update this! Summer has been so busy...but we are counting down the chapters til the end so keep on readin! Oh and can we try 95 reviews? Or 100 if you really like it. I know that's a lot but I really want to get 135 by the end of the story. Let me know! LUV! Blondenhot and Angel422


	15. Author's Note

Hey everyone! 

Sorry its taken me so long to post something on here. Sadly, this isnt an update either. :( I havent heard from Angel 422 in about 2 months which is why I havent posted anything. So its up to ya'll...should I continue without her or wait to hear from her? Just leave me a review and tell me! Thanks! Love you!

Caroline a.k.a Blondenhot :)


	16. I'm Going Home

Home.

The saying "No place like home" never had as much of a warmth as it did the first time I walked into the new house, holding her hand, and having the peacefulness of it all wash over me for the first time since well...about two years ago...when Jude kissed me.

In that moment, everything was forgotten.

Portia, our marriage liscense, G Major. Everything but the amazing creature who was holding my lips in hers, and the rush of blood I felt swim through every vein in my body. I loved her. From the minute I met her, til the second I die, I knew then that that was it.. that was the last chance I had to mend the broken pieces, and do something right. We never really discussed it, all that was said about our course of actions before then, but the moment I said I love you to her, everything melted away. Everything was the same as it was before, all was right. Well--minus my eyesight. It was still hazy, but I had grown to appreciate it.

I was trying harder than ever to be the kind of man I was supposed to be--meant to be, in God's eyes. My life had been so hard, so long it seemed for only about 25 years, and karma had finally caught up with me. Portia took the news well, in a way that none of us expected. She smiled and said "God. Finally." I never asked her if she meant finally, you two hooked up, Or if she meant Finally, I'm done with you. But either way worked for me.

She had wiped her hands of me, and I was fine with that.

Amber was growing up. The tiny, adorable brunette, was almost 7 years old, and made me look like an old man at only 25. Her curls had stayed with her through her toddler years, and had softened into angelic spirals, always bouncing, always perfectly styled. Her eyes still twinkled like there was something special in them...and in a way there was. At only seven, she seemed to understand the idea of love, and she did love. She loved her father, who had been there for her as long as he could and who loved her as much as he valued life, and vowed on the day of his second wedding that he would never leave her again. She loved her birth mother, who as hard as she tried and as much as she loved Amber wasn't strong enough to stick around..she was and always had been born on the go. She loved her second mother, who's cheek's glowed with the same glow every pregnant mother's cheeks glow with, when they are expecting.

Our music career's had both sky rocketed after the wedding all those months ago. So many good songs had been produced over the span of only a few months. My best, that Jude helped me write late one night, was our song.

_**"I'm staring out into the night,  
Trying to hide the pain.  
I'm going to the place where love  
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.  
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain. **_

Well I'm going home,  
Back to the place where I belong,  
And where your love has always been enough for me.  
I'm not running from.  
No, I think you got me all wrong.  
I don't regret this life I chose for me.  
But these places and these faces are getting old,  
So I'm going home.  
Well I'm going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,  
The closer I get to you.  
I've not always been the best man or friend for you.  
But your love, it makes true.  
And I don't know why.  
You always seem to give me another try.

So I'm going home,  
Back to the place where I belong,  
And where your love has always been enough for me.  
I'm not running from.  
No, I think you got me all wrong.  
I don't regret this life I chose for me.  
But these places and these faces are getting old,  
So I'm going home.  
I'm going home.

Be careful what you wish for,  
'Cause you just might get it all.  
You just might get it all,  
And then some you don't want.  
Be careful what you wish for,  
'Cause you just might get it all.  
You just might get it all, yeah.

Oh, well I'm going home,  
Back to the place where I belong,  
And where your love has always been enough for me.  
I'm not running from.  
No, I think you got me all wrong.  
I don't regret this life I chose for me.  
But these places and these faces are getting old.  
I said these places and these faces are getting old,  
So I'm going home.  
I'm going home..."

And it was so true...I never had a home after I got into the Music Industry. I was city to city, girl to girl. I never sat down at home and just hung out, like normal people do...like regular people. I had taken advantage of the situation out of my own selfishness, and mistaken needs.

And then everything clicked.

Jude's career had hit an all time high with all the girls who sympathized with her, and felt her pain. They hated me for awhile and there are still some crazed fans who still resent me for what I did to her. Every once in a while, I get some fan mail that really bother me...so much hatred are poured into them, and so much heartbreak is expressed. Some from girls who thought that they were in love with me, and some from people who I have hurt...the girls who I had been with in the past were especially brutal. Jude took everything out in her music, and the out pour of emotion was amazing...moved and touched me into my soul, and believe me, she got some major brownie points.

_**"Eternal flame came on the radio  
And I remember how you loved it so  
Memories sneak up on me, wherever I go **_

A car like you used to drive  
Pulled beside me today at the light  
Chances to break down and cry, wherever I go

And you want me to be strong, any less just shows I'm weak  
How'd ya turn so cold, where's the boy I used to know

Chorus:  
And it's love and hate and all these emotions  
I never thought that you'd be going  
I'm just going through the motions  
Where everything is you, everything is you

An inside joke comes to mind  
We'd wear them out all the time  
Memories sneak up on me wherever I go

And it seems you've disappeared, though you're not that far away  
Please tell me it's not true, I didn't mean that much to you

And it's love and hate and all these emotions  
I never thought that you'd be going  
I'm just going through the motions  
Where everything is you, everything is you

What did I do wrong, nothing I treated you like an angel  
What did I do wrong, nothing I treated you like an angel  
What did I do wrong, nothing I treated you like an angel  
I treated you like an angel

And it's love and hate and all these emotions  
I never thought that you'd be going  
I'm just going through the motions  
Where everything is you, everything is you

I treated you like an angel..."

Obviously, that one was written on a day she felt no remorse. But it was an empowering song, and after we had both cried, together, over our pasts, we recorded it, and she sang it in a raw voice, and didnt hide anything, from anyone. And then there were those days when all I wanted to do is let the world know I had found her...the only one who would ever mean enough to me, that she was it.

**_"It's her hair and her eyes today  
that just simply take me away  
and the feeling that i'm falling further in love  
makes me shiver but in a good way  
all the times i have sat and stared  
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair  
and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,  
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say  
Because i love her with all that i am  
and my voice shakes along with my hands  
Because she's all that I see and she's all that I need  
and i'm out of my league once again _**

**_it's a masterful melody when she calls out my name to me  
as the world spins around her she laughs, rolls her eyes  
and i feel like i'm falling but it's no surprise  
coz i love her with all that i am  
and my voice shakes along with my hands  
cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea  
but i'd rather be here than on land  
yes she's all that i see and she's all that i need  
and i'm out of my league once again_**

**_it's her hair and her eyes today  
that just simply take me away  
and the feeling that i'm falling further in love  
makes me shiver but in a good way  
all the times i have sat and stared  
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair  
and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,  
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say  
coz i love her with all that i am  
and my voice shakes along with my hands  
cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea  
but i'd rather be here than on land  
yes she's all that i see and she's all that i need  
and i'm out of my league once again.."_**

And I was. Jude was a gift God sent to me, on only a whisp of luck, and he sent her down here to make a man happy, too happy to even describe, and that man was me. Before I go to bed everynight, and before I wake up in the morning, I thank God for the blessings that have been, well, thrust upon me, and I wonder where I would be today if I hadn't recieved them in the manner I did. I remember the first day we had met, and the thoughts that had gone through my head at the little wanna-be punk rocker I was to sculpt into a star. Someone who was supposed to make it big, in a world that very few ever truly suceed in.

And she had, she really really had. I loved her even more for it.

(to be continued.)

123456

Alright you guys, this is almost it! The stories comin to an end, as sad as that is. I've been working on it for so long and it means to much to me. Tell me what you think alright? Its my first chapter without Angel422...and I miss her. But here we go..can we try **120 reviews**? Or more? I believe you guys can:) lol, i hope you like it. Caroline.


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